Expose The Tard Exposing the truth from as far back as 1993.

Wednesday, August 19, 2009

Don't Hold Your Breath Waiting For Thomas Jode

How long does it take to write a story using characters that aren't yours? I honestly don't know, since I am not a writer, but it seems to take Nicky forever.

For example, there was I.O.W.A., which was 5,113 words not counting his own name or title (or so I heard anyway!) and when it was reviewed against Nicky's wishes, Nicky's response (swearing and threats aside) was

"I worked three fucking months on that story, for you assholes to rip away just like that."

which averaged out to about 57 words a day.

Granted many authors also have full-time jobs that.... nevermind.

Well many authors have families and children they take ca..... nevermind.

Even your most carefree bachelor author doesn't always have a lot of time to write, as they are usually being invited out to party with their frie.... nevermind.

Well, Nicky's latest project, seems slow going. Below is an analysis of his progress that actual writers could maybe chime in on and tell me if it's normal progress, or slow going as I think it is.

Date and Time


Word Count

Words Added Since


April 27 at 11:24am

Nickolaus Pacione Got a new story started.”



No job or responsibilities? He should be able to churn it out in no time!

May 19 at 11:01pm

Nickolaus Pacione Is writing a new story and seeing if he could get this fucking thing finally published in print after being published an entire year in a magazine and an anthology.”



Already looking for a place to publish it? Well it's been 22 days so it must be close to done, right? I mean, already looking to sell it then it should be ready, shouldn't it?

May 20 at 5:12pm

Nickolaus Pacione Working away on a short story, 1900 words and climbing. The story is called "The Story of Thomas Jode" trying to shop this one to Zoetrope Magazine but no printer to print the story up.”



We finally get a word count: 1,900! That's about 3 words a day...which isn't much, is it?

May 20 at 9:55pm

Nickolaus Pacione Still hammering away on a manuscript that he was toying around with. Thinking of sending it to Glimmer Train magazine when it is done that's if it is done before the May 31, 2009 deadline.”



Hammering away=progress! Already has a potential victim publisher, so it must be close to being done.

May 23 at 2:53pm

Nickolaus Pacione working on a short story but also looking for a gift to get a former classmate.”



Well that explains some of it, since he's been looking for a present for a friend AND writing his latest masterpiece.

May 23 at 7:41pm

Nickolaus Pacione Trying to add more to a story he's working on.”



Okay this update came only 5 hours after the last, which means the present ordeal must be taken care of, and now all that's left is to hammer away at his upcoming opus!

May 31 at 12:57pm

Nickolaus Pacione puched away 2000 words into the short story being worked on. Now see if I can get that to be a longer story.”



Wait, what? Did he punch in an additional 2,000 words into it overnight? That's impressive for him! Or, did he only add 100 and now it's at an even 2,000?

June 1 at 5:02pm

Nickolaus Pacione Hes 2500 words written of the story, now lets see if this could be made into a 3000 word short story.”



Ah, it was the latter. So on the 31st he added a whole whopping 100 words, then the next day an additional 500. He's aiming for a 3,000 word story here folks don't expect an actual full novel out of him.

June 18 at 3:39pm

Nickolaus Pacione Hammering away on a new short story. This one might be for that publication which has stories set in Chicago.”



Still hammering away! Since he missed the May 31st deadline for Glimmer Train Magazine (yeah, that's why it didn't get in) he also on top of writing it has to also think of where it's going. Some authors do write short stories specifically for certain anthologies/magazines, others just write, then when it's done, figure out where its' going, and Nicky isn't in the latter category.

June 20 at 12:28pm

Nickolaus Pacione 3100 words away on the new short story. Let's see how long I can make the thing.”



Progress, I guess. Don't dwell on the fact it took him 20 days to write 600 words (or 30 words a day) he can't be expected to be Janrae Frank, who has churned out many books, none of them thin, during her career.

June 29 at 11:16pm ·

Nickolaus Pacione Hammering away on a short story. Going piece by piece. Blowing the dust off of a profile picture he used before. Hey Terrell, take a look at this one.”



Nicky the carpenter is still hammering away! And the delayed progress we now see is due to two factors: He is looking for profile pictures for other men to look at and he is going “piece by piece”. Since I am not a writer, maybe a real one can explain to me what that means.

June 30 at 2:00pm

Nickolaus Pacione has over 3300 words for the short story he's working on. Now it is searching for the publisher for the story will be the question.”



It's been a little over two months (very little, as in a few days) and he's hit the 3,300 mark.

(DISCLAIMER: Nowhere on this blog have I or anyone else stated that a copy of Nicky's project in question, "The Story of Thomas Jode", was sent a copy via either a company Nicky submitted the story or a friend of his that he sent a copy to, and we have neither stated that a copy has been sent to us nor that one will once Nicky sends it to them. At no point have I written on this blog that a copy will be read and reviewed by AngryInIllinois or anyone else, or that the review, which we have not said probably won't appear on DA again, will be linked from this site for readers to click and read. ExposeTheTard has neither promised an early review of Nicky's latest story nor have we 'teased' the readers by saying that it is coming soon and that once it would be uploaded it would immediately linked to from here Again, we are not suggesting or attempting in a sly manor that a review of "The Story of Thomas Jode.

One has to wonder if this is why Nicky churns out so many anthologies over the years, as well as submitting short stories to numerous publications that either weren't legit before his entries or went belly-up not long after losing all credibility for printing his "work".

Many have claimed that he has no talent and doesn't have what it takes to write a full novel, and that's including the over padded 119 page "Norwood's Discovery" that was a novella, not a full book. The same people theorize that he couldn't put out a full novel even if he weren't lazy due to lacking what it takes, therefore he does anthologies, letting others contribute enough to actually make full-sized books, wherein he then slaps his name first and foremost on them, so that he can say there are full books with Nicky's name on it.

But is that the case? Or does he have such deep and magnificent stories to tell that he purposely averages about 50 words a day on each one because they are that great, and he can tell the world's best stories using far less words than actual accomplished, real, acknowledged, successful authors?

Bonus questions: Since Nicky spells it "Thomas Jode", is it fair to say he's using Steinbeck's character without permission? Granted, Springstien and even Rage Against The Machine both Thomas Joad as well however, Nicky has always raised a huge stink over anyone using his characters without his permission. That isn't counting the guidelines to a project of his a few years ago where he asked people to write stories using his characters with his permission (no one actually took him up on that author, which is funny because many have written stories using his characters to fuck with him for free, and yet passed up the opportunity to get paid $5 many months after the promised amounts).

Plaugerizing? Maybe not. Lack of creativity? Possibly. The millionth example of Nicky being a hypocrite? Without a doubt.

Don't believe me that Nicky hates others using his characters? Take a look at this poll:

"Do you have respect for other writers' characters enough not to write "fan fiction"?
  1. No and explain in the comment area below.
  2. Yes -- I write my own characters and plots."

lol the first option won out as 80% of those who took the questionare option chose #1.

"I will tell them the same thing I am telling all of you bastards stealing my characters and holding my imprint hostage. Kiss my ass." from here

See, he's against that.

"Asshole. When this asshole goes around committing acts of plagiarism on one of my characters, does he really have a place to really comment on an innocent remark relating to Flood Insurance." from here
"This joker is what they call the male equal to the myspace mom. The son of a bitch harbored repeated plagiarism of my characters..." in reference to our magnificant hero autoaim, from here

That settles it: Using someone else's characters is wrong, therefore making Nicky The Hypocrite, wrong.

"I am making fun of the fact people are writing fan fiction from Poppy's work, and I am just waiting for one person to actually make all her characters straight and her beloved G-Man having a wife and a baby." from here

Oh I almost forgot the main rule, which is that something is wrong to do to Nicky, but is perfectly fine to do to his foes like Poppy. Almost forgot he called for people to burn her books after baaawing that folks did that to his.

I don't fucking appreciate the fact you bastards are slashing up my characters. That is the ultimate form of disrespect. from here

Maybe he's saying you can, but if people keep his characters A-Sexual as he meant them to be, then it's fine. Oddly enough he had previously claimed pissing on his books and pictures of himself was the "ultimate form of disrespect"

" I am willing to bet you also write fan fiction from stolen characters too early in your life. It pisses me off and feels like I got kicked in the balls when someone goes aroud slashing my work up. It's not funny. Get a life you queers. For fuck's sake, fair use doesn't include the blantent theft of my characters and making them into faggots." Informing here us that if you write gay sex pieces using his characters, you are causing him the same pain he'd feel were you to assault his testicles, so don't do it. That wasn't a hint or me giving ammo to those who hate him to do it anyway to make his life hell, because I am not strongly suggesting you do it

See I was right: It's acceptable to steal characters as long as they never, ever, partake in biblical relations. It's not fair that his imaganary people get laid and he doesn't.

"I've never went around and stole characters from you or Brian Keene to make them look like total assholes. Doing that kind of shit is kind of like playing with fire because you will end up being the one that gets burned in the end." from here

And because Thomas Jode isn't a walking anus who has gay relations, what he did was ok.

"If they want to be writers, create their own damn characters."

"Passing it off as 'literature' if those assholes want to write short stories why can't they come up with their own ideas with their own characters. "

That's a good question, however I don't believe asking the same guy who has written fanfiction and stole characters from Sherlock Holmes, The Crow, and Johnny Alien is fit to answer that question.

By the way: This article, includng this sentence, makes this blog entry 2,130 words in length. and took me less than an hour to write.Nicky's story, "The Story Of Thomas Jode", took well over a month to get to the 2,500 mark.

Editor's note: Since writing this in early June, Nicky has very recently posted an update about it:
Nickolaus Pacione
Is adding more to the story he's working on.
Mon at 11:54am
Of course you are, Nicky, of course you are.

"Can't do a site that trashes on me in a drop of the hat."

Anonymous NIckolaus Pacione said...

Still stealing my work ExposeTheTard. You had no permission to use my work on your website so you better take it down. Can't do a site that trashes on me in a drop of the hat. Melany, what kind of life do you have now. Where you're stalking me just to make my life a living hell.

August 17, 2009 10:20 AM

He's just now getting around to bitching about me legally posting a small bit from one of his previous pieces that is so bad, even Nicky wouldn't admit to writing it, hence Theo Wolfe.

When I first saw his blog entry, I thought he was upset about me reading another story of his called "The Story Of Tom Jode" which, speaking of stealing, is a misspelled name that should sound familiar to most. Anyway I hadn't said that I myself got to read an early version of his latest garbage that proves he is incapable of improving, so I couldn't understand what he was bitching about this time until just now.

You'll have to forgive Nicky for his outbursts he's had a rough August. As you know the beginning of August is his birthday, and he's so unloved he had to treat himself to a White Sox game in Chicago.

I mean, you'd think if he were loved someone would have offered to drop him off then picked him up when it was over.

Sadly, Nicky had to do the hospice thing again. Not only that, but there wasn't any guarantee that he could even treat himself to something. He almost couldn't go because his "tugboat" money wasn't in his account as the day was getting closer, which would have led to yet another night of him sleeping penniless in Chicago with the possibility of getting re-arrested.

Not that anyone should have to care for this gothy manchild, but when he makes a trip that far from home and winds up in a hostel room hoping money he didn't earn makes it to his account on time? That's yet another clue that Nicky needs to have people watching him around the clock, but I'm talking about folks in white coats, not his family.

All of that being said, Rusty's list of how Nicky will act from this point on for the next couple of days probably won't happen. He'll let you insult him and his family all you want and not say a word, but what sets him off is him seeing what he considers his masterful creations posted somewhere without his permission.

There is always the chance he'll chime in regarding his criminally boring "Thomas Jode" story, even though I I never indicated an unfinished copy was floating around out there lately.

Speaking of that story, it is taking him forever to write it even though he doesn't have a job. Don't believe me? I made a little something about it months ago and never posted it, which I believe I'll do right now...

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