Where is this boxer?

The Distraught Cycle
essay by Nicky

I am writing this throught the eyes of a teenager that was mentally abused day and day out by one's peers -- it is a thing that one is about to is something that the tormentors cannot see. That damage that they had done is irreversible, especially one is entombed within a locker with their own padlock is locked to the locker. Inside the mind of the victim, the torment will always circle their mind as they would come to school the next day, the horrors will begin all over again. The cycle of torment will never end. It is just because one is different, one will become a victim of the tormented cycle of name calling, taunting, and physical beatings that would occur from day to day for no reason.

This was the case with me, but as an adult I developed a series of mental health problems that had lead from the tormented cycle. Now that I am in my twenties and seen all the other teens as well as kids that are on the talk shows telling their stories of day to day torment -- It is just that the tormenters cannot fucking see what they are doing in the long run. It is torment of that kind that would drive one to bring a .22 pistol to class and open fire on the mother fucker who would make their lives a living hell. This that one has in common with the rest of them that had been in the tormented cycle. The one's that cannot see the damage they caused until it is already too late, when the teacher would find the student in the public restroom after they had sliced their wrists.

As the one who would be tormented would go to sleep, they would have nightmares about the things that one would do to them -- inducing their darkest fears. The thoughts that would go through their mind is undescrible, of the things that would run through their mind as a horror film. The horrors that fill their head as they would check themselves into the hospital for a mental illness because of the torment that their tormenters would invoke -- with little regard of what would end up of their victims, they would give a fuck if their victim had tried to kill themselves. This would be the worst kind of murder -- namely because they driven their victim to kill themselves or into addictions of drugs and alcohol. The thoughts that would burn from inside would try to be hidden behind a smile and by one's choice of religion, but as that is the case -- the torment is molesting their subliminal mind as a child molester who is molesting a child. It is one of those things that is not spoken of in the open.

The things that are inside of the tormented cycle would act as a serial killer stalking their next victim, the tormenters would just see another victim -- the thoughts that would haunt them inside as they would go to sleep. The thoughts that would haunt the victim from their years of going to school day in and day out being greeted with cruel taunts about the way they look or where they are living at -- this was the case while I grew up in Roselle and was going to school in Lombard. It is a nightmare going to school everyday and would be greeted by people throwing pennies or worst -- the torment cycle will not stop there, and it would lead into something like Columbine where two students had taken out 14 of their classmates as well as a teacher. If they were just left well enought alone, maybe they wouldn't of pulled the horrible crime in Littleton of planting bombs in various places or would have enough guns to wipe Colorado into their demise. Inside of their mind, the torment cycle sits alone within their undead spirits.

It as a raven perched upon a tomb in a cemetery, knowing as the victims of the torment cycle would be alone in a vacant locker room -- sitting in one of the bathroom stalls holding a razor blabe to their wrist or a bottle of sleeping pills. They would say that insults won't do any harm, but as they are said -- it is sometimes worst than pulling a .22 on them. As they begin to run the blade across their wrists, they begin to hear the screams of the whippoorwill from beyond the grave -- the thoughts that reveal themselves in the writings from the grave. The things that would be said and the closing of the locker are as the closing of a casket while they are still alive. It is as the Shades of Hades are looking on as the tormenters are laughing as they drove their victims into commiting suicide. They would sit there and laugh as their victims are dead, and as they walk away -- they carry onto their business as nothing had never happened.

The things that woyuld sit inside of the tormenter's nightmares are the spirits of the one's that they drove them to kill themself -- the things that would stand alone in the distraught cycle. As much as they would try to ignore the nightmares, the horrors that they induce is day in and day out. It is one of those things that they refuse to fucking think about because they don't fucking care if their victim will live or die. They don't realize that they are the worst kind of murderer, one that induces the mental abuse to drive their victims to sign themselves into a sanitarium; refusing to let them be and leave them alone.

The reason I wrote this is to relate to all out there that wer subject of being tormented day in and day out by their classmates for one reason or another. I, myself, had been bullied while I was growing up because I looked different and thought differently than the main stream. This is my way of saying keep your heads up when your going through that, and don't be afraid to talk to a trusted friend -- especially if the tormenter is really trying to take your life or if you're driven to killing yourself. If you're a teen that was harrassed while you were in high school, or if you are currently in high school and haunted by cruel taunts or threats; please write me -- I am here to help.