"I am a pagan" or "I had been told to get on the short bus" OR "I respect anyone with an open mind"

Freedom of Speech, Nicky, wouldn't involve you getting my pictures removed like a whiny baby.

I am a horror writer from the Chicago area, and grew up most of my life in Illinois. The way I write is a reflection of the hell I had faced while I was growing up because I was always made fun of because of the way I looked. People didn't like the way I think or the music that I listened to -- while living in Glendale Heights, I was didrespected because I listened to dark heavy metal such as Testament and Obituary then later Frontline Assembly. Living in a Bible Belt, I got shunned as an adult because of the way I write and think. They would say that I am going to hell in a handbasket because I read the writings of Clive Barker and H.P. Lovecraft. I like some of Stephen King's writings, but I like mine darker and meaner -- that is when I started writing. I was driven by the dark history that would haunt Du Page County -- ritualistic murder, rape and homocide as well as friends that are now dead, and some that are facing life for murder. While I lived in Mason City, Iowa I would be shunned because I thought differently than them -- where they would be following their high school sports, I would be thinking about the crimes that inhabited my home county. Mason City was like Wheaton, but the small town Christians like to corner people into going to church and would discourage free thought. My quest for individuality had costed me a fiance and the close minded views of the state had taken away my young son. If one may ask if I like Mason City, Iowa, my answer is why don't yuou come to Joliet or Chicago? This is my way of saying "fuck off" to the small town values. The way I write is a reflection of the extremely violent dark side of where I grew up. This essay I wrote while talking to a real good friend of mine from that area. My curiousity leads me into places like the Ravenswood District and Cicero as well as my intrest in the supernatural, vampires, mental illness (a subject that is very personal) and the occult I had been a Christian for five years that turned to Paganism almost 2 years ago.

These days I am reading Superstitions by R.L. Stine. I though I am a pagan, I have diverse reading patterns ranging from the Bible to horror fiction. If one wants to be a writer they have to be a reader as well. My love for heavy metal music had always been the key factor of my writing because I wouldn't of known about certain horror authors -- Ozzy Osborne had always been one of my favorite metal artists and I wanted to learn how to learn play this midi on the guitar.

Those that had last seen me in 1994, this is the picture of what you remember of me but the ones that you will see are current as of 1997 to 2000. They were taken by various friends of mine and by members of my family. This pic is a reflection that I had long try to kill; that of one that of always being picked on because I never fit in with any clique and now I had realized that something that I was -- an individual that doesn't give a shit what others think of me or what they had thought of me.

The picture on the far left had corner is take at a night club that I had gone to with my best friend. The club is called The Ruby Slipper, and if anyone from Gothic Friends wish to check out the club, send me an email and I will get a hold of you. I respect anyone with an open mind, and those that will not convert me on the grounds of my lifestyle -- I am now a target of that even more because I was one of the webmasters of Gothic Vault. I was looked down upon by many because I have been in special education classes and have a learning disablity, I hate when people say that I cannot do something because I am learning disabled. This will make want to do something all the more just to prove them wrong. I had been told to get on the short bus or been chose last for anything -- this is my way of deballing them, with my writing.

Any of the stuck up jag offs wish to see the picture of the person that they made fun of for four years, this is what I look like now. And those that ask themselves why am I a sick individual and write of unnerving subject matter -- this is my anwser to that question, you fucking made me. I wish to thank one former classmate for giving me the inspiration to continue my work as an artist, Jeff Prell, if you are online and looking at this -- sign the guestbook because I want to post some of your photography up on Gothic Vault. I had his photo work in mind and took it to the next level.