Getting Ready For Signings, Part 1

I wrote responses to Nicky's latest blog post, which in of itself was very long, so instead of one giant thread I am posting it in pieces...all at once!

Have plans for November 19th, 2008 around 8pm?

Nicky does! He is going to be at Reggie's Rock Room that night.

He will tell you that he is "sharing a billing with Funker Vogt and Lady Parasite" but the truth of the matter is it's a bazaar, THE AWAKENING II : DARK BAZAAR to be exact, and he isn't going anywhere near the stage, he will have a table if that.

Most of you know this, but he gives advice on how to do it proper.

Some of you went to prom right? Okay preparing for a book signing is just like that.

First off he didn't go to his prom. He'll give two different people two different reasons, either that he was sick or that he couldn't afford it, but no one said yes sadly, so his prom night analogy is sad in a way.

Remember his sob story about why, once again, for yet another anthology of his, he can't pay the authors all at once because he is having money issues?

It's almost as costly if you're a small press or self-published author because if one works with lulu.com or Lightening Source, the shipping will kill you. Not to mention vendor tables. You're lucky if you break even if you bring a few other authors with you and helps to be all local for the most part. I haven't had a chance to talk with each of these authors on the phone before the signing, so we were meeting the first time at Gothicfest 2007 (with Coach's Midnight Diner -- he had the booth day one and believe me if you haven't read this anthology get it because it well worth it.) I had a similar situation when I met Kimberly Steele two years earlier, she knew what I looked like but she had no idea that I was nearly 200 lbs. This one I nearly busted the table when I jumped on top of it. I was asking the venue to get tables that support 400 lbs.

First off how insulting must it be to be told some douche is trying to make money off of something you wrote, then read that he has the money but he wants to spend it to promote himself? That is why I feel no pity for authors who have been in multiple Tabloid Purposes because this happens every year.

Secondly, even though the height he admits to being has been scientifically proven to be wrong, as he is much heavier than he admits, for the height he claims he is being nearly 200lbs, if you believe him saying "nearly", is still too much.

Third, real authors go to signings and sign books THEY have written and talk to either established or new readers. Nicky goes to book signings to jump off of tables. Real mature. Then he wonders why he doesn't even break even at those things. Maybe they were on their way to sample your wares and saw you jumping on and off of tables like a spaz, Nicky. Can you imagine what the staff thought when some douche demanded tables that held more weight than most so he could stand on and jump off of them? Remember his AC article after the last Gothicfest where he admitted to checking the maximum weight capacity of tables because he wanted Philbin there next year? Apparently he thinks that is a requirement for authors. He is the Bobby Flay of literature.

This is a very long post folks, so maybe now you should use this time to stretch and get a snack before reading the rest. ;)