"the last boy scout."

Before you read this know that she never went lesbian on him, she always was one. She talked with him over the internet and he misunderstood her intentions. Nicky felt the need to give her money even when she didn't ask for it and when he realized he wasn't getting anything for his kindness, he went into a rage demanding she pay him back the "loan" he was "tricked" into giving her.

And no, this isn't "Jamie". She was someone he dated in high school who regrets ever laying eyes on him.

a rant....
Date: 1/17/04 at 1:22PM
This is the question that I get asked a lot because of the way I write -- I don't play around with androgeny or alternative sexuality, I never really wanted to understand whythere are people who want to bend their gender. I grew up to believe men are men and women are women, men are supposed to be with with women and vice versa. I am going to be getting a lot of hard remarks about this but this is where Poppy Z. Brite and I went at it. The answer to those who asked me what is my sexuality is that I am a straight male. I did date a girl who ended up turning lesbian, and that was something that I felt like I was kicked in the balls when that happened. My views toward alternative sexuality are going to make me seem like a criminal these days, but freedom of speech applies to the heterosexual white man as well. I might be involved with the Gothic subculture but only as a writer, I know friends who are involved with the fashion end of things and maybe some of the other aspects. Some of my views might come off as being a little politically incorrect. But then again my upbringing is old fashioned, and hope to find that female who can find that a rarity -- I am rare in that sense of the word. I get a lot of labels but the one that suits me best is rare.
Religion plays a big part on what I do as well -- it is a bit of a surprise though, with as dark as I write a belief in God is there some where. I know there are some who are reading this and wondering how come I think this way, there is a long story to that though -- it is rooted from being a Boy Scout. I don't mind being called "the last boy scout." I get called that some times by various friends of mine especially when it gets colder out. The women thing is that I want a woman who is also straight and will eat meat -- I am one who eats a lot of red meat. I would make the occasional joke to friends who are vegan of if they know of a good steak house.

Deja Vu?

I thought something sounded familiar. When I was told recently that Nicky was missing, later found at a hostel and sick, again, I thought for a second I was experiencing deja-vu. Then I saw the blog entry and video and realized that was the case. But was that the first time?

No, this happened before. Almost eight years ago. But he's always been a hypochondriac.

2003-01-11 06:10:00
As I would start to wind down for the morning I figured I would do this entry on here with the update that I did on the diary-x journal. This was a bit of the throwbacks when I used to live in Glendale Heights and used to go up to Willowcreek when I was 18 -- and the nightmares I had when after I got hit by the car when I was 20 and then after hurting my back in Chicago six years later. Sometimes the stabbing pain is unbearable at times especially when I go to sleep. I need to go see a doctor about the back because there is something that could be done. I thought it was a strained shoulder until I got the chest x-rayed when I was very ill with bronchitis. The night when Sarah took me to the hospital -- I was able to walk but was in a hell of a lot of pain to do so. I had to keep my back propped with pillows and part of the shoulder, the people who were at the hostel basically switched my room where I was closer to the ground because of the spill was so bad -- they basically told me to stay in bed when they saw the doctors note. I did not see this coming though, no matter what I did -- this would of gave anytime. Where I would find relief in sleeping on the snow because the pain was numbed.
Now here I am just typing what ever the hell is in my head at the moment and being as tired as I am -- it is funny how I could even type at all. I can think fine but sometimes the computer would act up and freeze on me when I am not able to save a damn thing. I remember when I was younger and the times when doing homework in college and was so ill and tired that I was not able to sleep especially to how chilled I was at times where I even as many layers they had on me -- I was still drained and chilled to the bone. Sometimes I would long for a good sleep like the one I got when I was in Canada -- the one when I was camping on the rock face, when I would go without a tent in middle of the winter is when I would get most sleep because I would keep myself huddled in the multiple layers that would make a shrowd from the elements.

He Was At A Hostel

You may have wondered where Nicky was when he made this video of him checking in.

Nickolaus A. Pacione





Jan 7 2008 5:05 PM

Checking in -- yeah I am at the hostel one more night but I am trying to recover from a viral syndrome as the hospital up here called it. I am coughing up a storm and was trying to keep anything I ate down. If you don't mind I have you as an emergency contact up here.

Does him asking to put this person down as an "emergency contact" sound creepy to you? Try having him hint that he wants to sleep at your house...

Nickolaus A. Pacione





Sep 19 2007 2:46 PM

Hey Cara did you get my e-mail about the two events that I will be doing, and the dillemma I have is finding a place to crash for the entire time that I am going to be in Chicago. One of the events I am appearing at is on a Sunday, and a guy named Apathademon is going to be bringing me in for this event and transport between this event and the ground zero will be provided by him. But the crash space is something I will need to find before then. You want more information the event that I am signing at check this out -- Gothicfest 2007. Getting some kind of local fame scares the hell out of me in some ways. Stalkers, stalkers and more stalkers.

How To Have A Successful First Date

1) Go almost two days without sleep worrying about the date to give yourself that walking dead look.
2) Ask her to arrive at a costume ball as a kidnap victim and you the kidnapper.
3) Have her pick you up because you don't have a car and aren't allowed to drive.
4) Go Dutch.
5) Pick the seediest motels and cheapest restaurants to eat at.

[12 Dec 2002|01:00am]

It is official, I have been awake for 38 hours -- nervous about a costume for Satrinilla. I am going to pass the idea for my costume onto Sarah since she might get a rise out of the kidnapper/kidnapping victim idea for this costume ball and her costume would be something to help her beat her caustrophobia. I am going to have her come her to pick me up and would give me a chance to introduce myself to her properly in person. But on that note -- I am sending he the directions via email as I speak and have the driving directions for Satrinillia -- just need to find out how I can get them from Joliet, Illinois or even Naperville -- this is the case the closer we are to the city the better but under $60 since we are both going to be splitting the bill.
I know of a few diners that we can eat at around the area there -- been a long time since I been up to that area, well to the Naperville area been a year but the rest of the area. The place that I was drawn to was the Pagan tomb for some reason -- that was the picture that basically got everything going when I got my site revamped in the end of 2000 -- it was the thing that went up before I went to Canada. The question is trying to find a good steakhouse, my cousin's deli in Roselle, or a Quizno's. That is always the thing when going out and sleeping in hotel rooms -- one has to find places that are not too costly to eat at easy to do in Joliet but in DuPage County is a different story.
I do know of the hotels along Ogden Avenue -- one being it is hard to get into and it is about $29 a night, a person who runs it reminds me a bit of the doctor who perscribed me the Neurontin. I was looking around in my email and needed to compose a lot of it because I was lagging behind -- need to send an email to Sarah to let her know that would be leaving in a few days -- well friday depending on part of Jamie's costume arrives. I will get the pictures for this up sometime next week since I bought more batteries for the digital camera.

How did she take his ideas for a perfect date?

[14 Dec 2002|08:53pm]

The date's ride went to hell so the plan about Satrinillia fell thru, so we are trying to come up with something for Nocturna. I am writing out a narrative for my other journal at diary-x which will be done inside the next hour or so. Takes me a bit to write out the literary entries but I feel like I accomplished something when I do write them out -- sometimes it is hard to get the traffic over to there at times even when I send out emails; but now here is the thought pattern that comes about -- sometimes the dreams that I have would invoke something that I wrote from time to time. The theme would come out in one way or another; so as I speak I pulled out the word processor and writing out the dream that I had this morning. It comes about where I passed out from the influence of tylenol PM and Ibuprofen 800mg.
I am always writing one way or another; and on AuthorsDen is a good example of this. I got a few new readers and some said fairwell -- I am used to that by now; always getting new people wanting to see what everything I put into a page. There will always be the critics though -- namely the ones who are the worst are the ones that know one the longest because they would remember the time when I was not writing.

Why Buy New Pants When You Can Own An Old Pair Owned By Nicky Himself?

You'd think him not fitting into his jeans anymore would be an incentive for him to lose weight.

Want To Impress The Ladies? Show Off Your Bling!

And by "bling" I mean your medical alert necklace!

Sorry folks I can't find the disk that has the accompanying pictures to go with this thread but that is probably just as well.

It was only a matter of time before I would update the journal at diary-x again -- this time the title of the entry I wrote there is Entry of the Waning. My medical alert necklace arrived yesterday afternoon and when I got this started with the new entry was last night, it basically was one that i was working on for awhile because I would see something and add more to it . The nice thing about being on a computer so to speak; I was looking over the guestbook at deadjournal basically pleased that I had two guests on there since I redesigned the thing.
The picture that is with this entry was taken on the night they did the Kidney Thieves give-a-way at Nocturna, April 26, 2002. Sarah did a little payback prank from the one I pulled after my 25th birthday. I am surprised she did not describe that one in her journal but none the less it started the camera ambushes. It also doubled as my bon voyage for Goth Con 2002, I have some of those posted on melo somewhere in the archive. This conference was better than journalcon 2001 by far. I felt out of place at journalcon because I wrote dark and surreal entries while the peers were more of the sense there to make others laugh than fuck with the readers head. The other pictures that I am going to be posting in here are the medical alert necklace and one of the typing pictures that I was trying to do when I was brainstorming the entry as it is up there now. The picture that I am posting of my necklace -- was one that I did from post that I had on Chicago Gothic Community, being that I basically said to Scary Lady Sarah not to offer me any liquor because of the medication that I am on -- that was the reason I got the necklace -- pharmisist's orders.
The icon on the left was one that I did earier today -- well a little more than an hour an a half ago. It was about the time when I was signed myself into the hospital after Nocturna almost two months ago, that was the longest 15 minutes that I had ever waited because I was in a lot of pain that day -- and a lot of that pain carried over into my writing. This was something I took a lot of inspiration from Ceara Jaen Baxter on; when I was reading her journal -- she spoke of how she would literary write to live because according to her husband -- she has to take a countertop full of medications of each thing she had underwent.
Where he would have her at a recliner and with a laptop -- I had a similar picture in mind when I would sit on a couch that my cousin gave me as a downpayment for the money he owes me, I basically curled up in some sleeping bags and had the type writer on my lap (basically since I had not been feeling well in the past month.) I figured that I might get this picture out there -- being that is considered the sickie in a brainstorming mode when writing happens. I know that this being a week between some updates on this journal but that is something I kind of expect because of I want to put more thought into the posts over here -- more for those who are interested in seeing the day to day kind of entries.

H.P. Lovecraft story maker

a year... [19 Sep 2003|09:12am]

I will be on here for a full year in November, it was some time after getting home from the sleep study I took part in when I joined. I was looking back on the first entries over here, and never thought I would have this journal for as long as I had it or have it the look I have it. This had became one of the few that I have that are stand alone journal, but this was one journal that I had this notion it will be a stand alone. I never really did this journal for anyone else. This journal is kept for myself, though I had gained some respect but at the same time got some trolls that I banned from posting on here. They might thing its cute to do a community that disses on me but that is just going to blow up in their faces. What they try to do to break me would not work because I just inspired another writer to finish up a short story that he was working on. Then a few others who are on the communities I post in actually shown some interest so for those trolls -- their plans to try to ruin me failed them miserably.
It was a year since I joined up here but did manage to keep to myself on here and that is what I am trying to do but those trolls on here intend to harrass me. Where one says how I write is from using an H.P. Lovecraft story maker -- not true. What I use to write is MS word, and the person who is making a weak attempt on trying to make me look bad is the one without the talent. The ones who say I suck have no talent what so ever at writing. Those are the ones who only write on their livejournals and their blogs that are on a livejoural clone format -- those are ones who cannot write. What they call "writing" is nothing but a weak attempt at criticism.
All they have is the intellect to work at a McDonald's, and some people do need to be on disability for a mental health reason -- the last time I checked. Bipolar Type II is a legit illness to qualify for disability. I was talking with another who is also on disability for it -- she being from California. I was shocked to how fast that she got qualified for it. So I would like to tell the hecklers who say that people with bipolar disorder type two don't deserve to be on it need to shut up because they don't know what they are talking about, The ones who make fun of a mental disability don't even know how an illness like this works on the mind. It had been three years around this time that I got approved for it -- it was in November of 1999 that I applied to get on it. It took me a few years to get on it, that I was hospitalized twice for this illness inside of 1999 then 2000 I was in the hospital for it and that was about the time when I got the check.

class nerd

Wednesday, June 11th, 2003

11:00 am
I was looking at an old picture that I will remember a long time to come, one because it was the first time that I was in New Orleans -- and where I was when the picture was taken by Michelle. Of all the photographers I worked with, she is the best one by far -- with bugbear being close behind there though because she did a picture of me in a Jewish Cemetery. One of the gothic chicago.com crew caught me in one of the most human moments -- where I was the only one wearing denim in a place where everyone was wearing velvor and PVC. I am just trying to imagine bringing Sandra in there for the first time -- being that this is the big event for Scary Lady Sarah and I did not want to go stag to this one.
I have known Sandra since we were in middle school and for her to become a mother of three -- being that I want to take her out for this, kind of giving her a chance to be herself and not worrying about three children. (I am not actually scared off by the children. I guess it had to be that I helped some with my baby sister when she was in diapers.) The closest person that Sandra knows who is involved with the gothic underground is me, and my best friend is also going with as the driver. Sarah and company are going to have a glimpse of my life in form of the people I knew for many years. Sandra and Rob saw the evolution that I became from the class nerd to the horror writer. I am a bit of a recluse but travel around every now and then -- communicatiing more through email than anything else, the occasional travel out of state and the trip to Chicago to keep my creative process going. I often wonder how Ron Dondiego, J.M. Heluk, and a few other writers keep from showing the signs of burn out.
I am still working out the details for the event that Sarah is going to be doing -- the big back pack is going to stay home this time around. I am going to be bringing the smaller pack and the duffle bag this time. But it would be when the next backpacking trip be done would be closer to October. I was talking about the idea to Debra, being that I was mentioning some about Starve Rock and she wanted to do something with the writers. This was something I thought might be intriguing in the details. I am hoping that I can get the scanner working by then and from there I would bring a film camera for this because the digital camera that I had before the one I have now -- got wrecked when I was in Washington, D.C.

Fanfic Nick

[28 Dec 2003|09:46am]
I sent out two copies of the nonfiction one I penned to a pair of print magazines. It had been near five years since I made a submission to a magazine, so I am going to give it another shot here. I am looking around to see what other places will take creative nonfiction. The one that I wrote titled Accident Revisited is one of the ones I mailed out. One can read one version of this as I have it linked up -- those who are from gothic classifieds -- the hecklers that is can shut the hell up. I am not sure of how much they pay but it is enough to get me a reduced ten ride train ticket or fill up my CTA pass when I go out.
This would be the next few times I had submitted -- I have my fingers crossed because it is a hard market for writers. Especially if they are writing nonfiction. I am adepth at writing both nonfiction and horor fiction. I will never write fanfiction though, just something about fanfiction never worked for me for some reason. I don't like stealing characters but writing Cthulhu Mythos though, there is always something original about it. That a writer who writes in that frame, there is always something new and nastier they can add to it.

(from fictionpress) http://www.fictionpress.com/u/346930/

The writing will speak for itself here. I write a lot of non-fiction as well and one of them will show up here, the murder in Nordic Hills. I am not a fan fiction writer so don't ask. I write Cthulhu Mythos but I put my own take on it. Then what one would see as an influence is either Milton, Dante, or Sigmond Freud. What makes what I do so disarming is that I am a Christian who does it; and just because I believe in God, it doesn't mean I am not allowed to write dark.

Much of that is because of what I read in college or currently reading. And what one wants to see when I am up to on a day to day basis, check the journal at deadjournal. This would give a little insight on when I will have new short stories here, on Writings From The Grave, the diary-x speculative, or on all three. The main genre is horror, though I do write nonfiction as well. Equally as dark if not darker.

I don't write that much fanfic, toyed around with a little bit of it as in a Sherlock Holmes story but the concept is an original horror plot. I did it just so I can get the fanfic readers traffic to my original work on diary-x and here. Some of the work from here is also found on diary-x and the main site. I am a history buff but that did not really show into my writing until the recent short story inspired by James O'Barr titled "Ghosts of War."

[14 Mar 2004|04:31am]
I just cannot believe I am working on a new short story already, this new one is a tribute to Rod Serling. I am not going to give too much of the plot away but I can say this much. This is the first work of fiction that I used my hometown as the setting. This one is coming along very quick and got the idea reading some of the Fanfiction stories under the Twilight Zone fiction section, this is an original story based on the Twilight Zone concept. I am writing myself into the story much as how Serling did when he was introducing the story to the audience. Also I might end up having a screen writing credit in there, this was coming soon but one that I knew it would be harder to do because I am so used to writing short stories that are four pages in length. I might end up hitting the close to five page mark with this short story. It is right now at 1865 words. That is the fastest 1865 words that I ever wrote, but writing it between chat sessions. It is more cinematic like I did with From These Eyes Of Abomination and with that Sherlock Holmes original plot fanfic. I got the idea for the story by looking at a single photograph I did on a night out, and if I post this one on AuthorsDen the photo is going up with it. But this one more than likely will be a FictionPress exclusive. This is the first exclusive to there and one that I am sure to send around without end, some who are from Glendale Heights won't know the exact area that I am using for this story but those who had followed my site from the beginning (even those who lived in Glendale Heights will know that the Glendale Heights in the story is the same Glendale Heights I grew up at from age 11 to age 21. This one could of easy been set in Roselle but I knew I would have more fun with having Glendale Heights as a setting because it seems now like a Norman Rockwell painting but at the time I lived there it was overran by street gangs.)

Jan.27.2004 9:16am
I know I am going to get some dirty looks here when I say that but I said it right -- the only one that I would do that with is Sherlock Holmes and I am doing it in a way that would make the story original at the same time, throw in Cthulhu and have Dr. Watson an expecting father and a devoted wife who happens to be the female verison of Sherlock Holmes. The case he is following in this story was one that he started when Watcon came to Stateside and met his wife while in Chicago. When I am done -- the link to it will be going up on my modblog.

Jan.27.2004 2:57pm

Sherlock Holmes & The Case of the Great Old Ones
Genre: Horror/Mystery
Rated: R (graphic violence, coarse language)
Word count: (3,498 Words)
Based on the characters of Sir Arthor Conan Doyle

Well that story I wrote for fun is complete. I showed this one to Jeff and he said he would put a link up for me on his journal. I did this one in hope I would get some of the fanfic readers looking over my original work as well. I wrote this one to see if I can write fan fiction -- in fact this one came out a bit easy. I take no credit for the main characters in the story but the plot is mine, and the characters as the spouse and in-laws were an idea that I tossed around in there. Make Watson a very human character, and have Holmes beat the crap out of Moriarti. Some of you who read this in its early stages -- thank you for doing so. This is a gothic horror tale in its own right, Sir Arthur Conan Doyle wrote his famed character to be a stable in detective fiction and that opened the gates for some the finest gothic literature that was ever written -- I used to own a copy of Hound of the Baskerviles. I am sure that there are authros out there who play around with the Holmes character in many ways some Parody and every other genre out there, my take is one that it was ment to be -- Noir Horror. It is the slash writers that ruin it for writers like me, the ones who write on the strength of the story.
Another story from here that I say give a read is titled Spark of Life this is one that is influenced by a show I saw myself writing for. "The Outer Limits." Just something about that show stuck out for me because the stories on there are very innovative. I just have to imagine this show becoming a movie. Then here is a Twiligh Zone inspired one titled Dreaming While You Sleep. This story I wrote above is about as long as "A Cemetery Dream." I won’t send this one out to be print published but for those who are from fan fiction reading this it would give some a bit of an idea of how I write without taking from the originality. There is fan fiction writers who have no originality then there are those who write original fan fiction (something if one writes original fiction then write fan fiction where even that is original.) working on a fan fiction story.

Submitted: Dec 16, 2007

Untitled Johnny Alien Story by ~nickolaus

Poor Health

[16 May 2004|05:33pm]
It was a week after Convergence took place and I have to say it was a time that I will remember, I did have fun when I went to my third convention and picked the biggest of the conventions in the gothic subculture to go to. I met a lot of interesting people; I will be posting some of my photos in due time but right now I am trying to sort them out because this is the first convention I went to using a digital camera. I did write some about the hospital visit on the diary-x journal. I got a shitload of photos from the first two days; and some side photos here and there. The details of the health scare would be from when I wasn't able to get to my meds in time; and my body responded similar to how a diabetic would go into a diabetic shock. Those who showed their concerns -- thank you, and I am hoping to get the photos up soon from the events. I noticed that I got a few doors opening for me here and there, since I am building correspondence with a few writers from House of Pain. I am building up my network when it comes to getting online. The humbling thing for me was watching another person throw up what ever they had to drink; when someone stands around and watching them throw up and helping back to their bed -- that is the sign of a good friend. I basically hung around the hotel of the convention because the hotel I stayed at was a ways out from the city but if I was to do things differntly I would stay in Joliet because I could run back and forth without any trouble. I was one of the most recognizable people there because who else had a pair of denim jeans and a pair of basketball shoes on during the convention. I forgot to pack my razor when I went because I was really in a hurry to get out the door. Though the events of the first night were the ones I had a lot of fun, then night two was one that I will remember as well -- Justin did a hell of a performance. Though the last night were the one I will remember for the reason was that when I fell sick because I was without my meds. I saw Van Helsing on the first night as well. The first time I had fun in a movie theater in years. I wanted to go to the theater for a while so I picked Van Helsing as the movie to see.

[14 Jul 2004|04:37pm]
The blood test is done, I needed to go get checked in case my meds might of triggered something. I was watching something on TV about people who have Zyprexia. One of the reasons I started this journal was for my health reasons. There will be entries when I learned of my arthritis and it was in 2002 when I was diagnosed with this. The doctor perscribed a blood test when I told him about the health scare I had when I was at Convergence 10. I can see this being a talked about story for many years especially of my well documented health problems. I will find out soon about the blood tests, I am hoping nothing comes out as far as being diabetic; but if that comes to be -- I will take it for what it is.

Two settings, dark and darker and darker than the darkest

Name : Nickolaus A. Pacione Contact by Email : nickolauspacione@bloodmoon.every1.net Contact by AOL Messenger : NickolausPacione Sign or View My Guest Book Point of Origin : Illinois Bourne : 03 Aug 1976

Website Title & URL : Writings From The Grave @ http://worldzone.net/arts/nickolauspacione/ Online Journal :The Ethereal Journal @ http://ethereal.uni.cc Occupation : Horror writer Favored Activities & Interests : Writing, photography, traveling around, web design, rodents Musical Tastes : Heavy Metal Influences : H.P. Lovecraft, Robert Bloch, Stephen King, Frank Perretti, Old Testament, Dante Your style of work : Very cryptic in the description with elements of poetic interludes, think on the vein of H.P. Lovecraft with the description or Salvador Dali of the written word. It is a very non-erotic style of horror that is more frightening as time goes on. Every piece I write is different when it comes to the approach. I also write in the epic style of poetry that is very dark in the vein of Milton and Dante. Two settings, dark and darker and darker than the darkest.