This Is A Test

This is a test of the Emergency The Tard System.

Nicky's beloved Talbot.

Nicky with Fushia. Poor Fushia.

I am just a writer from the Chicago area who transplanted to Mason City, Iowa, lived there for a year and a half. I have a mental illness called Bipolar Disorder with times where I would be sick in bed for long periods of time. I do a lot of photography and some of it would appear on this page. I lived in Illinois most of my life and was in the Military but the dreams of that were short lived because I was dianosed with Attention Defficit and Hyperactivity Disorder while I was there so I was discharged because of this.
I took up writing after reading one of my short stories to a friend of mine from high school, she said I should be a writer though at the time I was starting up with my writing; I was going to an Assemblies of God church. Their discovery that I was a writer was one that scared them more in the sense that I wanted to write gothic horror and this is what I do. Some of my stories appear on various websites including Lilith's Lair and Free The Writer.
I started writing so I could eventually find my biological father as would my son who I had no choice but adopt out because of my health reasons. I don't like to talk about that ugly chapter because this is where my life came crashing down and at a crossroads because of the woman I was then dating tried to end my dream of becoming a writer. Doing what I am doing now is more of a testament that I am going to be writing and typing for a long to come yet. I was born on August 3rd, 1976, and do have some college education but I did not graduate yet from college. I had to drop out in 1997 because I had health problems -- namely bronchitis.

The results and very reason for this test will be revealed shortly.

"I am about to have a hot girlfriend with a little bit of money."

This summary is not available. Please click here to view the post.

It's "Expose THE Tard" not "Esposeatard"

http://nickolauspacione.blogspot.com/2008/02/expose-tardgrow-dick-and-show-yourself.html

Nicky stays at home all day lacking a job and watches a lot of daytime tv. Rumor has it he wants his enemies to make reply videos to his own so that he can contact a few daytime talk shows in the hopes of being featured. Nicky go to Tyra like you plan on doing. Myself and the numerous people you've harassed then begged to make videos to reply to you aren't going to do it. You won't get that satisfaction from any of us. You're up shit creek in more ways that one. My second hard drive alone with you calling people faggots and threatening bodily harm to them because they gave your stories or books bad reviews would destroy what little there is left to destroy of you. What you see on this site isn't everything I have, and if the audience saw what you said to people constantly they would turn on you. Tyra's audience doesn't like deadbeat dads either.

As to my official reply, I present to you, this

This is an atomic bomb
aptly named "Fat Man"

Recently, an old acquaintance of Nicky showed me an atomic bomb they recently came into ownership of, it's damage radius being much more powerful than the previous "Incest/Daddy/Springer Show" bomb.

You see, Nicky pissed off the wrong person again, and in his rant accused this person of being "Expose The Tard". The person in question had not yet heard of me, but since Nicky mentioned me this person was curious and looked me up. After reading my site and seeing what I do and the information I have (and finding out my real identity) this person was kind enough to turn over something to me. Something that Nicky will not like to see public.

And that will be my reply...

"try not to get into an argument with someone because they said you suck."

First book signing experience for me was surreal because I didn't see it coming because it was actually at a friend's metal show. I brought a few books for my friend Gwen of the industrial band Grigori 3, and next thing I knew it became an impromptu book signing because when Gwen introduced the book on stage everyone wanted a copy of the book.

It was in a bar, The U.S. Beer Company. Being a small press and self-published author it is hard as hell to get a book signing because book stores will not look at you because your book was a print on demand. The best places to go with books like this are at events such as conventiosn, and take a few copies of your chapbook with you if you're starting out. I brought an author in when I did my second book signing.

I don't do many because I don't drive, and keep in mind I had to haul in everything myself. It was a slow day but it picked up later that night, September 17, 2005, was the first major book signing I did and this was at Gothicfest 2007. Sometimes you have to keep up with the energy of the bands playing in the background, and I was having a rock star moment because I was signing Gashley Darcane's back with a sharpie. During my signing I stood up on the table and started signing, with the bellow "RIDE THE STORM" because the anthology I was signing was QUAKES AND STORMS: A NATURAL DISASTER ANTHOLOGY.

I had fun with it because Gashley interviewed me for Redemption TV too, and also did an interview with SPIN MAGAZINE (sick to boot.) So my advice for those who are just doing their first signing in an atmosphere like The Odeum will be load up on Monster Energy drinks because you'd be too excited to sleep. Smile - yeah right if you write horror, and especially hardcore horror don't smile. Just give people dirty looks if they never seen a Gothic writer before.

Be yourself, and try not to get into an argument with someone because they said you suck. I had plenty of metalheads come up and be photographed with me at the event, and this was surreal because they actually knew who I was because of my website. Then they knew my now room mate because she was hosting the event. It helps to know the crowd you're playing into as a heavy metal band or an industrial act because as a horror writer, you're the literary equal to what heavy metal is. Horror writers are the backbone of the subculture.

If you sell a story to a couple of magazines prior to getting a book out there, it gives you more momentum going into it.

You Are On Your Own

People that do "business" with Nicky 99.9% of the time regret it. They rue the day they ever replied to his ass kissing emails and those that published him either go out of business out of shame or stop taking submissions. Most who befriend him because he sent them letters praising their work, and also sent them other authors he thinks they'd like, end up going public and warning others not to do what he did. Others just completely give up and get out of the business out of shame. None of them do it because they are harassed by Nicky's detractors, they just realize the mistake they made.

I would be curious to know how you think Nicky is any kind of Christian and how his name can help your cause. I understand to those who have befriended him because he praises their work and kisses their ass, or they get their ass kissed by him and feel obligated to do the same to him, but he hates just about everyone and only worries about himself. How many "friends" of Nicky's get positive reviews written by him that include plugs to his own work? If you have a positive review written by him, about you and a book or story of yours, and in that review he doesn't mention his own writing or projects, I'd like to see it.

And last but not least, and this is to anyone that deals with him: If you read what he writes and publish it, you need to get out of the business because you cannot tell good writing from a rock. If you take a submission from him or anyone else without first reading what you are accepting, you should quit now. If you think he is a friend you shouldn't worry about writing, you should worry about your own common sense. If you never knew any of the awful things he's said and done, you should wonder why you would go into business with someone without at least googling that person.

"I speak as an author who got the seal of approval from April Derleth."

Poor woman. She just wants to be left alone.

From here
Nickolaus Pacione
2005-02-02
ch 2, abuseH.P. Lovecraft would be proud of you with this story, I speak as an author who got the seal of approval from April Derleth. I will be definately getting a hold of you via email because you got Lovecraft's influence down to form. One thing about Lovecraft's fiction there is never fanfiction for it because he encourages other writers to pen off the Cthulhu Mythos. H.P. Lovecraft is the reason I am writing original horror to begin with -- his Mythos was the stepping stone to pull it off. I am surprised you are not a Mythos writer because you could pull it off.

From here
I actually sent an e-mail to April Derleth with a link to this anthology and I plan to pick up another copy for April when I get some more cash. The project is one of those that is the most ambitious that I've seen to date and some of them can give authors like Mike Philbin, Carlton Merrick 3 and even myself a run for their money.

from here
Nickolaus A. Pacione

Nov 25 2007 6:11 AM

Did you guys try to get your CD in the hands of Stephen King?

I had to ask being that you're in Maine and that's the horror mecca. I know I am going to get a lot of hell for this one but I knew I had to ask.

Heck I am always giving some of my stuff to April Derleth on a regular basis.

from here
NickolausPacione


If it wasn't for August Derleth, and I have been talking with April now for a good part of two years -- we may not of known who H.P. Lovecraft was. This is coming from someone who April compared to both her father and H.P. Lovecraft as the hybrid of the two. Derleth added something to the Mythos but it wasn't the same as what Lovecraft did, Derleth has some good entries in the horror genre and I was lucky enough to find one of them. People don't give Derleth enough credit, but I will say he deserves as much credit as H.P. Lovecraft. And this is coming from soneone who is now swapping authors with April Derleth.

Derleth did add something that will be later known as also Stephen King's trademark too, that being the sense of good and evil. But Lovecraft had that "fuck you" vibe going back then. There are authors who have the ability to combine both Lovecraft's you're fucked aspect with Derleth's awareness of Good and Evil. I think you can blame that aspect on the fact Derleth is a Catholic. But I think Lovecraft and Derleth go hand in hand because you can't talk about Lovecraft without mentioning Derleth or vice versa.

from here

This thing has some big guns in there. Andrew T. Fife is a veteran when it comes to the literary arena and his story in here is one that got Terry howling with morbid laughter. This thing is delightfully viseral and thematic in parts. This book I managed to get in the hands of April Derleth after she commended me about becoming published in this exciting anthology.

from here
Reviewed by Nickolaus Pacione 3/2/2005
This is a tight tribute to HPL. You should make this story a bit longer, you got the delivery -- take the ball and run with it. Speaking as an author of the Mythos, you defiantely know what you are doing with this. When you make this one longer you should send it to April Derleth.

from here
This is a gothic masterpiece, and if you want some classy written horror you will enjoy this novel. Some of my latter stuff as a writer is actually influenced by her and I am proud to say I had the chance to edit a book with her. The only thing I wish this book was able to do was steal a Stoker for best new novel. I am trying to get my hands on another copy for Michelle Russo and for April Derleth because I gave April a copy of Quakes and Storms.

'support Christian Horror."

name: Nickolaus
average rating: 1.00

...BURN ALL HER BOOKS and support the small press, support Christian Horror.

Support Christian books he says. This from the boy who used to have the usernames stillbornchrist, urbanizedsin, GodAm, and gothicpreacher. This from the boy that wrote the poem Raped By Grace.

REMOVED BY REQUEST

Another example of Nicky's "faith":

from an absentee God we continue to seek
where He looks down and laughs
observing like he doesn't care,
into the gathering of the lie of our years,,
the lie that becomes what we live,
from the life we can no longer give,
beneath the salvation of empty skies,
dwelling among the place of God,
fallen before the lies of the truth,
damned by all time of my shadow of youth,

Nicky and Livejournal part 3: Nicky's Sack Still Needs Attention or "xanga vs. livejournal, Round 2"

Tuesday, May 15, 2001


Another reason why livejournal can lick my sack -- some of the paid members had made it their mission to make me denounce my writings. This fucker that is trying called himself cuddles. (what kind of name is that?) Each time that they try to make a victim out me on livejournal, I make fun of them on xanga. (xanga vs. livejournal, Round 2.) Look at the little fuck in the picture -- they say I am not a writer, yeah right. Livejournal cheapens their talent as a writer, and they are too dumb to realize it -- but don't get me wrong though, there are some talented writers on here and I met a few of them already. Their talent shows up in other weblogs. They're below me, and they can flame me all they want but I am just laughing at them. If Tom Green can fuck dead animals and rub his ass on things -- "my ass is on your lips, my ass is on your lips -- maybe if you're lucky that you can give it a big kiss." I flame livejournal idiots on xanga and Hilderbee and Cudles are in the idiot box right now. They cannot take the heat so they call the livejournal police on my ass, Brad, you can lick my sack because I am going to some fun with you on here at your expense -- bunch of a dead moose humpers, or dare I say it; one of the three taboo words and the one that I use is almost illegal to use in San Fransisco unless it is used in endearment (but it is used in Chicago and Detroit so loosely it is funnier than hell -- they call me a homophobic -- openly homophobic, ahh they must be heterphobic. I have no problems with them but as long as they don't make a pass at me because I find it sick when another man elopes with another man. Eminem if you are -- this is where we have many things in common. You know that you are not a woman hater, your an artist and expressing yourself with contraversal subject matter shows that you're making people think.)

Nicky and Livejournal part 2: Nicky's Sack Needs Attention

Holla.

Why livejournal can lick my sack? Though I met a few cool people on there and I have them linked back on my website in the influences area, one of the ones that had blown my mind away would be one I had learned to be a darksites mate. She knows who she is and she can take a bow, I have two others from livejournal linked and those are the exception of livejournal. But the people that I would have to say where livejournal can lick my sack is the fact that many of them are too clique-ish -- they like to steal from other people, and give the writing community a bad name. It is the march of the mother fuckheads on there, and the biggest fuckhead of them all buying into and it is the owner of livejournal. I am on the verge of getting kicked off of there but if someone asked if I gave a shit -- my writings on there don't count for me, that would just be where I post my updates for the three sites, Writings From The Grave, Shadowed Thoughts, or Of A Darkend Soul. The Haunted Observations, well if people are on xanga -- they would know when I have that one done. But why livejournal can lick my sack is because they don't take writers seriously there; and when the actual writers are there -- the cliques try to fucking stomp all over their forehead and steal the written work. It is the ones who put all their work into livejournal and claiming it as a website when the rest of us (holla out who worked on websites for many years and those who use their sites to house their writings.) And for them thinking that I am below you -- kiss my ass and lick my sack. I guess he is a sorry excuse for a faggot and I do say faggot. Some one might take offense to this one but I have to say someone to be called that brought it on themselves here. So this is for those who have the actual sites -- keep up the good work, and if the ones cannot take the heat then get the motherfuck out of the kitchen because I would be one who is an equal oppertunity disser. I am not a racist, just someone who is very opinionated. I guess that they have worms crawling out of their ass right now, but that is what happens when their head is rammed up it so far. Where is their head today? I guess they have been walking around with their heads in their ass. So Brad if you are reading this, you know where you can shove livejournal -- and quit trying to look like the bomber of Oklahoma City. So that is why livejournal can lick my sack and all the griping babies like AngelDestiny who has an obsession with trying to get my ass kicked out of livejournal. All I have to say is that all of the crybabies are below me; and quit thinking that I am a second class citizen. I am better than that.

"Guttermouth's Words"

Anyone that knew Nicky years ago remembers when he got an email service called "bloodmoon". It was a nightmare because he ran it like he runs the pissant shit he runs nowadays and like the goth page over at livejournal, he thought of himself as a god and pushed his crap and personal life onto those who signed up. He even called it the "dog pound".

Saturday, May 12, 2001


I would like to welcome Duchess Webb to xanga now and so far she is fallen in love with the place. For some of you on xanga not familar with her livejournal, take a look at that one first because that would be somewhat of she has in mind for her xanga place. I am making the annoucement since she is a part of one my mailing lists.
What I am doing here with this weblog would be something like what I have with livejournal, but this one is more like a collumn for me where I post my commentary. Sort of like what I did when I was in college because I had a little newsletter called "Guttermouth's Words" a little joke my cousin started up about some of my writings; because of the vulgarity slewn jokes weaved into some of my work. But now this is my opinion on something that I had seen on the news, about hotels having hidden cameras in the room.
The idea in way scares the shit out of me but I can see where they could use the cameras because of a lot of prositutes turning tricks and drug dealers doing business in hotels. To bring the thoughts to mind would be that I had two new members with bloodmoon. I am just going through and checking for people joining for the first time, I thought I would take the time to say welcome to bloodmoon at this time too; but to go back on the issues of the video cameras in the hotel rooms -- it is chilling because they know that Big Brother is watching them.
Now I am doing the bloodmoon check which I do every end of the month, it is almost impossible to keep in touch with everyone on bloodmoon as much as I want to. It is going to be hard to do with some of them and happy mother's day to the members with children.

Nicky and Livejournal part 1

Friday, May 11, 2001


This one is on the lines of The Gospel Of The Trenchcoat, as he would say it best -- everyone is entitled to my opinion and this is where I am going to say it. I am better known as GothicPreacher, here but this one is where I am using this more as a day to day and a weekly newsletter for all my related sites.
This is first addressing the few who supported Writings From The Grave, and this is more as an anniversery for that site and I am going to be still going to run it as long as I can, and there are a few who tried to make me take it down. I am not going to do that so if you think that -- I can tell you where the motherfuckers and trailor snobs can stick it because I got your free speech right here. First off I am not going to support those bastards who badmouth Writings From The Grave because I had put years of work in there.
I would like to thank the ones who told me that I should not let them get to me. And for AngelicDestiny, I have something made with you in mind so if you may want to see that, follow this link. I am not going to use my livejournal to flame you and your little girlie girl co-horts so If you want to know that your are getting ripped on -- take your trailor snooty ass over to this link if you have complaints about my site. So you realize everyone is entitled to my opinion. If you want to rip on me here, this is my back lash because I am solely the owner of this content. Now for the updates -- I have been doing some writing on the diaryland weblog which is used as a dream and travel log.
The livejournal one would still be there but more of my postings are going to be here because why -- livejournal just sucks if one is a full blown webmaster. Now the owners of livejournal are free gain here. I am an equal oppurtunity insulter. First off Livejournal is good for research notes but not much else -- now for all of you who have websites outside of livejournal, give me a holla if you agree that none of them from livejournal come to your sites. Now for those who have actual websites -- keep them going and don't let anyone fuck with you. Those of you it works for what you are doing but for the mf'rs who believe that livejournal (their livejournal is a website -- keep fucking dreaming.) For those who use a full domain and use their livejournal for the domain -- that is sad.

75% guinea (More Brain Damage)

75% guinea? I and select others knew he wasn't the full-blooded Italian he claims to be, but 75%? Not even that.

Saturday, May 12, 2001

She is still bitching about the fact that I am still around, all she is doing is given me more fuel to play with her some more. I guess someone is poking her in the eye with a sharp pointy stick verbally and she cannot take it. It must be the brain damage. Seriously it is brain damage -- too much hairspray and other inhalents in her system. I guess that she had to shit herself again. Truely that is the only problem I have with livejournal -- all the people bitching about being offesive. I am writing here because I know she cannot backlash because livejournal is her turf and xanga is my word -- my rules when it comes to posting. I guess I am taking a few cues from Trench here when I am saying this, because of the hater he had on his page "the Hilter incident" yeah -- that was one I had a little fun with too because the bastard continued signing the guestbook on the gospels page. I saw the bitch's little picture and her nerdy boyfriend -- he could do better than her, he is better off finding a woman in Iowa; fuck he can have my former fiancee for that matter. They're both white trash (trailer snobs). I posted remark in one one of the comment areas asking them what is their defintion of gothic -- I am guessing their idea of gothic is that SNL spoof where they are at a party singing the theme from Titanic (they must be sheep -- bbbahhhhaah, because she assumes that every goth has to dress a certain way. Hell no -- my friend Ally Horton said this best, it is the attitude.) She doesn't know this but by now when I am doing something like this -- everyone is entitled to my opinion. Is she that much of a fucking crack whore barbie to see that she is nothing but silicon and air, with dyed black hair. They ask that with me as well if it is dyed -- I don't dye it, 75% guinea, and this posting is not my temper flaring but my way of having some fun at her expense. ::moons them:: As fucking aways -- they don't like it, they can eat the unpopped popcorn out of my shit. Now sit back and enjoy the show while I stay in your house and steal all the food out the refridgerator. It is safe to stay that looking at AngelicDestiny's weblog that she is a dumb little bitch who cannot think of any better insults than retardo (stupid one exists.)

"There is no cure for f'ugliness and brain damage."

I know. Irony.

Seven years later and I still laugh until it hurts at Nicky comparing himself to Carrie. That explains why the other teenagers picked on him: He had his first menstrual period in the shower it seems. But did they waste a perfectly good bucket of pig's blood on him?

Sunday, May 13, 2001


Brain Damage,
I guess some people have brain damage because they result to the child like name calling like retardo, nerd, geek, or freak. I had been tagged one of these but now I would have to say I am a freak because of the way I think. Fucked with as a kid -- think differently as an adult, now I am pulling 25 in three months and looking at a bunch of sophmoric bastards trying to take turns at trying to make fun of me. This shit is all too familar -- a pissed off teen finding salvation in horror novels, horror files, and heavy metal music. Now here I am ten years later -- looking at what they created, they created someone who is well versed at going against the grain. The gothic lifestyle in Illinois and the Midwest is beyond the clothing and music, it is in the writings and the thought patterns here. If someone would ask what is goth to me -- I would have to say for them to answer that question you would have to read my horror writings and my nightmare diary because in my mind it takes on many meanings and they all point back to the writings of Robert Bloch and Edgar Allen Poe.
It comes to when Lovecraft, Poe, and Bloch were all teenagers -- what went through their mind. Surely we all know about Lovecraft because when he was sixteen he wrote The Alchemist. We are not sure at what age Robert Bloch wrote his first story but I had read some of his work in a book of writers titled H.P. Lovecraft and Others, Tales of the Cthulhu Mythos. This is one that had drawn my eye into the world as a writer that would make me want to write to begin with. I had tried writing my first at 19, but the papers were lost when I had moved to Iowa -- that story appeared in form as Ontario Nightfall, but the story that I am referring to was one called The Blood Covenant. This one was one I used a lot of poetry and horror into a story -- it was meant to be a dective story but when I was typing it, it became a horror tale but that one became many horror tales in my collective works.
When there would be many people telling me to give up with the writing and saying that one sucks as a writer. It is going to make some give up but others would take it and throw it back in their face. This would be the case of Stephen King -- I am wanting to actually read Carrie because that one is one that I can relate to after seeing the movie, overprotective and religious parents and her peers continuing to fuck with her. The rapper Eminem is good with throwing what they say to him and tossing it back at their face. Though I don't listen to his ablums there are things there that are relatable -- the word faggot is in my vocabulary, and yes I do call people a faggot. I don't say it too often in public out of respect of some friends, but I would use the word in my writings.
When they insult -- it shows they have a genuine fear and this is something that gives them a fear of what they don't understand. That is why they show signs of brain damage, I am not going to mention names in this one but by the time they are done reading this one they would figure it out when they look in the mirror and they see their f'ugly ass. It doesn't matter if they are a female and claim to be a centerfold but if they use insults -- it shows that they are a very ugly person. There is no cure for f'ugliness and brain damage. That is right -- brain damage. It must be because someone was either dropped on their head or were born to parents who were brother and sister.
Now let me tell you about that one -- I saw a few Jerry Springer shows were they had brother and sisters having sex with each other; I think there were three like that. (Went to a taping of one of those last month -- still waiting on when it airs. Nicole or anyone interested in finding out, this is the phone number 312 321 5369. My show was the 1:00 PM taping. I am going to give away my surprise -- the first girl on the panel was pissed because her boyfriend of two years was cheating on her with a blow up doll who he called Loretta. I thought that I would say a comment, I asked Maggie since that was her name if I can give her a hug. I decided to give her a deep kiss -- pretty much telling the Garth of Wayne's World, look alike to treat his lady right otherwise she would be gone. The "girlfriend" was something that was man made -- so that was an example of brain damage. Another one is where a woman was making love to a construction cone, a little more brain damage.)
Now that is in the open -- I am going to leave the link to a net war that brewed, and as much as they are trying to belittle me. It shows that they must have been the illegitimate children of the village idiots. Sometimes I feel that I am surrounded by idiots, or watching the march of the many motherfuckers when I am looking at this one. So I had the final word and now I am going to leave it alone -- as much fun it was at their expense. Now I am going to go raid the fridge to get something to eat here, as always it had been a head trip.

"caught the eye of one of Clive Barker's contacts."

Well I got a few hate mails for my website, and they are dissing my livejournal -- that would not matter to me because that don't count. but those who think that livejournal is their website -- I am just sitting here right now because that loser Brad is getting rich off of them as I speak. They need som content other than bitching about a writer who they call second rate -- yeah right.

sickboy1541@hotmail.com
your website fucking blows you have a damn midi file playing in the background. i don't want fucking pathetic pieces of shit like you looking at my website. people on livejournal laugh at you cause you are a fucking loser. don't be sad cause you are a virgin who writes shitty horror stories. i am sure there is some kind of therapy for losers like you. do the world a favor and go kill yourself.

I am actually used to getting these emails so I am actually just laughing my ass off at the little no one right now and some who like to diss me have nothing on their webjournals so that tells me that they are losers who get their rocks off at dissing the ones who have the talent. He is a harmless little fuck who carries himself as a faggot.
On that note -- one of my stories that I have written had caught the eye of one of Clive Barker's contacts. It would be the one called City of Stone and Steel which I have written on my GothicPreacher account and mirrored it over to one of the diary-x journals I run. The account which I have mirrored for that page is the diary-x handle anathemized. I had been playing around with the layout there and been trying to write things that are really hellish on Shadowed Thoughts and Writings From The Grave.
That would get Jerry Falwell in a fucking uproar because of how dark I am getting as a poet too -- they thought Death of a Jester is dark, they should take a look at my version of the poem, Death of a Jester II. They already shit themselves with Trench's so they are going to be getting more of a chest buster at the version I had done.

Blame Nicky's Website, Make Him Have A Nervous Breakdown

Thursday, August 02, 2001


I was watching a show on A&E and they were examining the Gothic Culture. And they were looking at the Gothic Culture after Columbine. I was often the target of what happened after Columbine when I lived in Iowa, it was Trench's site that got the wrongful blame and for the faggots who like to point the blame at Writings From The Grave -- goddamn jerk-offs cannot see what art is in the form of writing, anyone who is an artist and writes dark would be a target. It was then that I decided to write even darker and pointing the focus at my old faith. This was one of the reasons I had a nervous breakdown, and with the frustration of them forcing Trench to close his site. I knew that I had to make it even darker or I would lose Writings From The Grave.
I have written contraversial peices in the past but I have been writing things that are beyond that -- some would be emailing me saying that some of them should not be written. So my response to them is take a steel rod and sodomise themselves with it. Sometimes they should be dragged out and eliminated like a termite or cockroach. And for those who try to be Jerry Falwell, chop off their own cock and shove it up their ass. So for those to say that Writings From The Grave would die out -- all they can do is pray that I would call it quits and do a Christian website. That doesn't fly with me because I wouldn't be me if I didn't have the dark website, that darkness is part of me and if I didn't have that part of me -- I would be doing time as I would speak because I would of killed the fucker that stabbed me though I chose not to go that route.
It is not worth living in prison with a wife named Bubba or LeRoy. I know how that is from knowing Porris, because he is going into 8 years of a life sentence. Who'd tell how long would he last without a good piece of ass with breasts. (Take your minds out of the gutter.) But seriously he would be living his time out in prison -- going to die there more than likely. I still remember the day that I had learned about it. I was sitting in a classroom before my lunch period (this was in my Senior year, might be the most numbing thing that I am living with -- the idea of a good friend of mine doing time downstate for the murder of a cab driver.)
I will always have that in my mind because the nightmares would never leave me of finding the article about the murder in the school paper. If I could get a copy of the article I would post a link to it in this journal. I spoke of this a little in my livejournal and some of my friends online would know the story but the one who would know the chilling story is my best friend, Richie because Porris was bragging about it while walking down the hall my junior year. I thought nothing of it then, but after the story appeared the paper; I was thinking "What the fuck, this cannot be - I would never think of Porris as a murderer but now as I would write of this, he used to come to school strung out when he did come to school.
Now for those who knew that I was friends with Porris, they would put the pressure on me to start going to church but then I knew that I didn't want to go. As castrating the blow was of the idea of a good friend being a murderer -- that would be the thing that would haunt me from time to time, more so when I would get a cab in DuPage County because especially I had talked with a friend of the deceased cabbie, and this would be haunting for me because I would try to find a cabbie who drives the route that cabbie did the night he died. This is something I was doing research on for a story I wanted to write about Porris. Because I know there are people wondering how Porris was before he did the murder -- I knew that he ran with a tough crowd, and was friends with some of the friends he is with.
I used to rent videos from the store Porris' friends worked at at the time he had committed the murder. No one would even suspect him of doing such a crime or suggest the idea that he would kill someone -- not even myself. Which is the reason this is even more numbing. Some would ask -- who is Porris? Might be one of the youngest murderers to live in DuPage County. But who is he really? No one would really know unless they knew the people who knew him best those who had gone to school with him and those who ran with him outside of school.
I am sure there are many questions on why I want to write about the Porris case. This one is one of the most personal because he was a close friend -- became close in my Sophomore year. This curiousity would lead into my lifestyle as a goth, and more so as a writer because the story is a curiousity. More so an obsession, because this is something that I was trying to do more research on this murder before I would write about it and so far the best source is my best friend Richie and his two brothers. Now in my 20s, twenty-five tomorrow and would think about the murder in retrospective.
Now Porris is 26 years old and wonder if he did not commit the murder and what would he of been. That is a hard picture to draw in my mind. I compare Porris strangling a cab driver to the school shootings in the recent years -- they wonder what was Porris listening to at the time he did the murder, from knowing him personally he listened to rap and house music which may come as a shock to those who would not expect it. All the drugs he was addicted to was what lead him to kill because of needing a way to finance his fix, and the drug of choice was coccaine.
Now that would relate to many of them today who would go out and kill off part of their school; and then they would try to blame someone in pop culture for the answer or ask the why did it happen. It would be the conservative groups who would then point the finger at webmasters (we know who we are, and our content had nothing to do with what they had done.)

"women as peices of meat that they can have sex with."

On Valentine's Day there are many who sadly are without someone to share their love with.

I know it's tough but as you are enduring today remember one thing: You could be a smelly, retarded, lazy weakling who lives in the basement of his Grandparent's house and hasn't had intercourse with a partner since the last century...nay the last millenium!


Anyway, today's Nicky lesson is about chivalry, and how those bitches he calls cunts shouldn't be thought of as pieces of meat.

Friday, June 29, 2001


The friends that are offline and known from early in life can be the worst enemies online and turn friends online into enemies. This is true in the case with Duchess Webb, because I thought it was a good idea at the time to introduce Jason Hink and Robert Lipper to her because I thought they had something in common with her (Jay because his taste in music is similar to hers.) -- the frustrations where I had with their habits of the way they treat women. Calling me a coward because I respect women, and what they do pisses me off when they refer to women as peices of meat that they can have sex with. I kind of knew that they were like this but didn't know that they were going to do this online and this soon too -- it started with Jay emailing a friend of mine with using my email address to diss her. Now the person who got me on livejournal is pissed at me again and this time she is playing for keeps -- and yes I am pissed at the fact that I got at the end of where I am getting the heat for what my friends did. Two strong personalities going at it right now and she is saying that I need a clue; I have a clue and yes I regret introducing her to my friends if I knew they were going to do this to her -- I wouldn't of done it. Right now I am a bag of fucking nerves, because of the tension between the duchess. She cannot stand the fact that I like the word faggot, and being that I am close to returning back to being a bible thumper because of all this shit that my friends had caused. I am right now looking for a new group of people to chill with for awhile and with this date on Saturday, it would do me some good.

"what homosexuality does -- it ruins families"

Saturday, June 16, 2001

I had been getting a shitload of hate mail from writing the new story, and so far I am having to laugh about it because the person who is getting really into an uproar about it is this butch lesbian. All because I am being true to myself to this one. It is calling me a confederate redneck which is something that I am not. I am laughing though because those are the ones that are just as bad as the flamboyant male counterparts. To be a contraversial writer, be true to what one does -- that is something that I have been doing since 1991, but more so in the recent years. And for those who think I am pushing the envelope -- I am not even trying to push the envelope, and to write something contraversial without even trying to be contraversial I would have say that is something I am laughing my ass off at. The one who is trying to get me to change my mind about homosexuals is one who goes by the name of nickyboi, goddamn, what does it have against heterosexuals -- I mean, all I am doing is expressing myself and with a lot of conviction. This is my integrity writing and this is what I am staying true to. I have a younger * and scared that * would think it is okay to be a lesbian because the gay community is going to the elementary schools. I used to say it was not okay for not to have prayer in schools -- as much as I disagree with that, I think there are some times that would be allowed. I had lived in a bible belt for most of my life and to see what homosexuality does -- it ruins families. I see this with my cousin and her father, my uncle who had been divorced since 1998 -- it damaged me too because I was close to the aunt too, and knew nothing about her becoming homosexual. My parents kept that from me because they knew how I felt about homosexuality. This is why I am one who says don't wave that rainbow flag in front of my face if one doesn't want to hear the homophobic jokes -- I am not violent about it though, just very opinionated. I saw two men holding hands down the street, bit my lower lip because I knew I wanted to say something rude but I didn't.
Posted 6/16/2001 7:25 PM

What You've Alway Suspected, Confirmed

Thursday, July 12, 2001


This test is acturate to my dianosis two years ago when I was in the hospital for my nervous breakdown. I figure that I would post the results here because I use this as I would with my livejournal. This journal is on the same lines as the livejournal there. I took this test when I was looking at Heidi Leigh's livejournal.

Disorder Rating
Paranoid: High
Schizoid: Very High
Schizotypal: High
Antisocial: Low
Borderline: Very High
Histrionic: Moderate
Narcissistic: Moderate
Avoidant: Moderate
Dependent: High
Obsessive-Compulsive: Low

-- Click Here To Take The Test! --

Class Reunion Is Coming! Quick I Need An Education And A Woman!

Stag was something he learned from a very early age to get used to.

The girl in Florida? Never was his but that never stopped him from giving her money. When he found out later she was a lesbian he felt betrayed.

Tuesday, July 24, 2001


I am just getting ready for bed, and normally most of my friends would be getting ready for work -- I would have to break my hours because of school depending on when class would fall. I would more than likely have to start going to bed again during the night hours ::that fucking bites monkey cock:: but hell, I need to go back to school though in the worst fucking way. I am turning 25 in August, and my class reunion is almost two goddamn years -- all the fucks that had made fun of me, and wonder what they are all doing now. Only a hand full know that I am writing and doing it on my own; now it is just a matter of time to find my connections. I think a writer who made it said it like this -- some writers make it and they suck, and the ones who have the talent are the ones who are stuck on the street waiting for that break. Without the internet I would never have that chance to get my work out there. I am hoping that I would have a girlfriend soon, at least a descent intellegent and creative female under my arm. I have been dialoging back and fourth with a few ladies -- yes I feel like I am on the dating game so to speak because one of them is in Florida but don't have her picture then one from New York (If I was 21, she would be jailbait. She has a pic and is very cool, creative.) Then there is one who is a med school student -- (shut up, get your minds out of the fucking gutter now. fucking perves.) She may or may not come out to Chicago because she is having diabetic attacks (those of you who know me since I was in middle school, they would know that diabetes runs in my family. I had asked her out for Journal Con 2001, hoping that I am not going stag -- I had gone out stag a few times. I went stag to Nocturna, and almost went to my senior prom stag -- I was working then so I could not go. But then again, I never had the school spirit in my senior year though.)

Thursday, July 19, 2001

I am sure that some of you remember a photo night that I had gone to back in June, Nocturna. Dave finally got the pictures up on Gothic Chicago, and the one that they did of me was the one at the beginning of the night. This one is posted with the essay Impending. I was really tired in the picture because I had stayed at my cousin's the night before in Cary, Illinois, and I had a hard time falling asleep so in that picture I look very tired but I stayed the whole time from 10 PM until four in the morning. Long night but I had some fun, I am in touch with one person from there and hoping that she and I would hook up for my birthday on August 3rd (I share a birthday with James Hetfield of Metallica.) This is first time I learn that I share a birthday with a metal icon. Turning 25th and attempting to go back to school -- tried a year ago but getting the ride there and back was the hard part. I have the plan but carry it out would be the hard part.

"if that is the case, why the hell did Joe Bob Briggs say I got some skills as a writer?"

As we saw in the last post, chivalry (and abstinence) was alive and well with Nicky.

But you knew that wouldn't last, didn't you?

This is one of those posts that confirm why no one, either on the internet or in real life, likes this sawed-off plagiarizer.

Tuesday, September 09, 2003



Farewell To A Fucking Battleaxe
I am in my happiest moment in my life right now -- (his ex fiance)'s mother is dead. I waited a long time for this one, I remember a note I made about a piss on grave party. Usually I would feel bad when someone dies, but not this old battle axe. I hated that woman, because she caused too much pain for (his ex fiance)and I when we were together. And seems like (his ex fiance) is having a miserable time right now because the last guy she dated left her, here I am getting known and being a bit of a celeb in the sense of the underground and I am basically going (his ex fiance) who? But intoxxify would have a little idea of the relationship (his ex fiance) and I had, this was woman I truely loved but she ended up turning on me. And that woman she is crying over the death of is the one that I am actually laughing over, call me cold and call me a bit ot a rat bastard when this one. I basically had the balls to tell both her parents to go to hell because they were trying to control me as well like her other boyfriends in the past -- I was the one that would not give into them. Where I appeared on 96.7 Will Rock, it was in spite of them saying I would amount to a damn thing -- if that is the case, why the hell did Joe Bob Briggs say I got some skills as a writer? With her it turned out the be the three word lie.
Treating me like hell in the last months of the relationship, serves her fucking right. Her mother fucked me out of being a father -- now she is fucked out of having a mother. A message to her mother in the grave, have fun in hell. Meant it when I said I would throw a piss on her grave party -- someone bring the beer. Her mother cound not stand me, let alone stomach the fact her daughter was dating a guy with hair longer than hers. Normally I am not this venomous in a way of saying, "Ding, dong the witch is dead, ding dong the witch is dead." Usually I am not this cold but when it comes to (his ex fiance)'s family -- get raped in hell. This is the side of me that no one is going to really see -- so this is the only time where I get to be a real prick and say what ever the fuck I want about the psycho-ex-girlfriend's family. But I know I am going to see a little backlash on this one, I was looking on the death clock with this one. I never could be so wrong with the jokes right now -- some of them are just so wrong but how many of you who had psycho ex's that even the family hated you. And knowing that you'd want to throw a big party in their death -- I don't miss (his ex fiance) now. Shit -- there are women emailing me asking to go out with me but I don't even know which ones to go with (Thank you Dave for opening up somd doors.)

"confeesed that he's the asshole behind http://exposethetard.blogspot.com"

The spelling in the title of this blog entry is intentional, a direct quote from this supposed author and publisher whose poor spelling is only one of many many reasons he will never be either.

Recently Nicky accused me on his blogspot of being in some sort of intricate conspiracy against him because someone calling themselves valentinevegen tried to make it look like they were me, and that I was accidentally admitting to being that person and then some.

I don't know who that is, nor do I know any of the others he mentioned except for one who offered to help me with a few things.

He came close once to guessing who I was and that was only because he was desperately throwing out theories here and there, and got close, but didn't know that he did.

Also he left this little gem on his myspace

"Everything in italics is this loser valentinevegen@yahoo.com. So if you end up getting an e-mail from him, tell him to burn in hell and those of you who knew me from way back knew I won't back down when I got pushed. This is push comes to shove because he's trying to get to me via my family. He's already tried to stalk one of my cousins.

I am beyond pissed about that and I will take him to hell once I find out who he is. Maybe some of you who have a detective background can do some detective work on this loser because he was the one who started all the plagiarism rumors this man is connected to http://www.xanga.com/Peter_Barnes and the faceless loser who calls himself Otto Bremman. IF you want to give Underhill242@aol.com a piece of your mind go for it -- the fucker caused me to get a lot of spam at two of my submission addresses. They are a pair of yellow journalistic fucks who teamed up with a local to really try to take me to hell. (those of you who know who Kevin_Defeckt is -- that is the bastard they teamed up with.

..from: valentinevegen@yahoo.com

another blogger entry? haven't you learned anything greasy? weve already handed your friends enck and dagstine their asses on a platter, and now were gunning for you. you're our little bitch. our plaything. we know where you live. defeckt knows where you live, too. you know what we can do. go out of that dusty cobwebbed room, go upstairs and look at the window across the yard. yeah, the pickup. watch the lights flash three times when you go to the window. we are always watching. we know what you and the pedophile's masterplan is too, were not stupid, and we dont take lightly to ultimatums. so keep writing posts marked Fucker and making bold claims about us. in your case tabloid purposes five will not debut because we are getting an injunction and ceasing publication before it even starts. papers have been served and phone calls have been made to lulu. lake fossil press will be shut down effective immediately! you hereby quit writing and forfeit publishing rights to brian keene and karen koehler enterprises. susan taylor and dan fox of the other dark place will take over ownership of the tabloid purposes trademark, and do as they so fit with it either on or off of todp, or respectively give the trademark name to the community to play around with as such. when were done with you the only thing you will be able to retain is your pathetic name ---- and, if you're lucky, your shirt! hold on, nappy!

The Tragedies of Publishing ..

This is what I had to deal with the past year. Ever since planning Tabloid Purposes IV -- and one of the reasons why I pushed the guidelines as soon as I did because some asshole decided to create a fake account for that one -- V doesn't have an account nor do I plan to have an account for that one. But I will say this much every one of his e-mails I am putting on the myspace bulletin and he's convincing everyone of the naysayers that he's going to impersonate me to no end and he confeesed that he's the asshole behind http://exposethetard.blogspot.com.

..from: valentinevegen@yahoo.com

too late the terrorists have won. so start eating the peanuts nancyboy.


you know, when the twenty-three of us (yes, we gained two more members since christmas), formed this regime we never thought we'd see the day where we'd "expose" pictures of your mother and shirley. if you only had had the pics we have right now...

...give up writing, quit lake fossil press, turn over tabloid purposes, the pictures are yours.

Valentino Career Fineato

From: Valentinevegen@yahoo.com

GAME OVER - YOU HAVE UNTIL VALENTINE"S DAY OR ELSE!!

Valentine....

Those of you who are journalists with the press, An Eye In Shadows is yours to grab when you put these e-mails together -- two and two together. The asshole is also known as archanearchiver too. Those of you who ran me in your anthologies -- I am looking for all the e-mails the loser sent you because we got a story that we can take to associated content then send it to the newspapers in Tinley Park, Illinois.


....Valentinevegen@yahoo.com

...then off to expose the tard and rusty with momma and shirley-poo it is... nighty night greasy ..

That is some of the horror story I had to put up with for an entire fucking year, I apologize to my room mate at the time for putting up with these assholes posting our address up -- yeah I tried to pay for an unlisted number for that reason."