Blame Nicky's Website, Make Him Have A Nervous Breakdown

Thursday, August 02, 2001


I was watching a show on A&E and they were examining the Gothic Culture. And they were looking at the Gothic Culture after Columbine. I was often the target of what happened after Columbine when I lived in Iowa, it was Trench's site that got the wrongful blame and for the faggots who like to point the blame at Writings From The Grave -- goddamn jerk-offs cannot see what art is in the form of writing, anyone who is an artist and writes dark would be a target. It was then that I decided to write even darker and pointing the focus at my old faith. This was one of the reasons I had a nervous breakdown, and with the frustration of them forcing Trench to close his site. I knew that I had to make it even darker or I would lose Writings From The Grave.
I have written contraversial peices in the past but I have been writing things that are beyond that -- some would be emailing me saying that some of them should not be written. So my response to them is take a steel rod and sodomise themselves with it. Sometimes they should be dragged out and eliminated like a termite or cockroach. And for those who try to be Jerry Falwell, chop off their own cock and shove it up their ass. So for those to say that Writings From The Grave would die out -- all they can do is pray that I would call it quits and do a Christian website. That doesn't fly with me because I wouldn't be me if I didn't have the dark website, that darkness is part of me and if I didn't have that part of me -- I would be doing time as I would speak because I would of killed the fucker that stabbed me though I chose not to go that route.
It is not worth living in prison with a wife named Bubba or LeRoy. I know how that is from knowing Porris, because he is going into 8 years of a life sentence. Who'd tell how long would he last without a good piece of ass with breasts. (Take your minds out of the gutter.) But seriously he would be living his time out in prison -- going to die there more than likely. I still remember the day that I had learned about it. I was sitting in a classroom before my lunch period (this was in my Senior year, might be the most numbing thing that I am living with -- the idea of a good friend of mine doing time downstate for the murder of a cab driver.)
I will always have that in my mind because the nightmares would never leave me of finding the article about the murder in the school paper. If I could get a copy of the article I would post a link to it in this journal. I spoke of this a little in my livejournal and some of my friends online would know the story but the one who would know the chilling story is my best friend, Richie because Porris was bragging about it while walking down the hall my junior year. I thought nothing of it then, but after the story appeared the paper; I was thinking "What the fuck, this cannot be - I would never think of Porris as a murderer but now as I would write of this, he used to come to school strung out when he did come to school.
Now for those who knew that I was friends with Porris, they would put the pressure on me to start going to church but then I knew that I didn't want to go. As castrating the blow was of the idea of a good friend being a murderer -- that would be the thing that would haunt me from time to time, more so when I would get a cab in DuPage County because especially I had talked with a friend of the deceased cabbie, and this would be haunting for me because I would try to find a cabbie who drives the route that cabbie did the night he died. This is something I was doing research on for a story I wanted to write about Porris. Because I know there are people wondering how Porris was before he did the murder -- I knew that he ran with a tough crowd, and was friends with some of the friends he is with.
I used to rent videos from the store Porris' friends worked at at the time he had committed the murder. No one would even suspect him of doing such a crime or suggest the idea that he would kill someone -- not even myself. Which is the reason this is even more numbing. Some would ask -- who is Porris? Might be one of the youngest murderers to live in DuPage County. But who is he really? No one would really know unless they knew the people who knew him best those who had gone to school with him and those who ran with him outside of school.
I am sure there are many questions on why I want to write about the Porris case. This one is one of the most personal because he was a close friend -- became close in my Sophomore year. This curiousity would lead into my lifestyle as a goth, and more so as a writer because the story is a curiousity. More so an obsession, because this is something that I was trying to do more research on this murder before I would write about it and so far the best source is my best friend Richie and his two brothers. Now in my 20s, twenty-five tomorrow and would think about the murder in retrospective.
Now Porris is 26 years old and wonder if he did not commit the murder and what would he of been. That is a hard picture to draw in my mind. I compare Porris strangling a cab driver to the school shootings in the recent years -- they wonder what was Porris listening to at the time he did the murder, from knowing him personally he listened to rap and house music which may come as a shock to those who would not expect it. All the drugs he was addicted to was what lead him to kill because of needing a way to finance his fix, and the drug of choice was coccaine.
Now that would relate to many of them today who would go out and kill off part of their school; and then they would try to blame someone in pop culture for the answer or ask the why did it happen. It would be the conservative groups who would then point the finger at webmasters (we know who we are, and our content had nothing to do with what they had done.)