"There is no cure for f'ugliness and brain damage."

I know. Irony.

Seven years later and I still laugh until it hurts at Nicky comparing himself to Carrie. That explains why the other teenagers picked on him: He had his first menstrual period in the shower it seems. But did they waste a perfectly good bucket of pig's blood on him?

Sunday, May 13, 2001


Brain Damage,
I guess some people have brain damage because they result to the child like name calling like retardo, nerd, geek, or freak. I had been tagged one of these but now I would have to say I am a freak because of the way I think. Fucked with as a kid -- think differently as an adult, now I am pulling 25 in three months and looking at a bunch of sophmoric bastards trying to take turns at trying to make fun of me. This shit is all too familar -- a pissed off teen finding salvation in horror novels, horror files, and heavy metal music. Now here I am ten years later -- looking at what they created, they created someone who is well versed at going against the grain. The gothic lifestyle in Illinois and the Midwest is beyond the clothing and music, it is in the writings and the thought patterns here. If someone would ask what is goth to me -- I would have to say for them to answer that question you would have to read my horror writings and my nightmare diary because in my mind it takes on many meanings and they all point back to the writings of Robert Bloch and Edgar Allen Poe.
It comes to when Lovecraft, Poe, and Bloch were all teenagers -- what went through their mind. Surely we all know about Lovecraft because when he was sixteen he wrote The Alchemist. We are not sure at what age Robert Bloch wrote his first story but I had read some of his work in a book of writers titled H.P. Lovecraft and Others, Tales of the Cthulhu Mythos. This is one that had drawn my eye into the world as a writer that would make me want to write to begin with. I had tried writing my first at 19, but the papers were lost when I had moved to Iowa -- that story appeared in form as Ontario Nightfall, but the story that I am referring to was one called The Blood Covenant. This one was one I used a lot of poetry and horror into a story -- it was meant to be a dective story but when I was typing it, it became a horror tale but that one became many horror tales in my collective works.
When there would be many people telling me to give up with the writing and saying that one sucks as a writer. It is going to make some give up but others would take it and throw it back in their face. This would be the case of Stephen King -- I am wanting to actually read Carrie because that one is one that I can relate to after seeing the movie, overprotective and religious parents and her peers continuing to fuck with her. The rapper Eminem is good with throwing what they say to him and tossing it back at their face. Though I don't listen to his ablums there are things there that are relatable -- the word faggot is in my vocabulary, and yes I do call people a faggot. I don't say it too often in public out of respect of some friends, but I would use the word in my writings.
When they insult -- it shows they have a genuine fear and this is something that gives them a fear of what they don't understand. That is why they show signs of brain damage, I am not going to mention names in this one but by the time they are done reading this one they would figure it out when they look in the mirror and they see their f'ugly ass. It doesn't matter if they are a female and claim to be a centerfold but if they use insults -- it shows that they are a very ugly person. There is no cure for f'ugliness and brain damage. That is right -- brain damage. It must be because someone was either dropped on their head or were born to parents who were brother and sister.
Now let me tell you about that one -- I saw a few Jerry Springer shows were they had brother and sisters having sex with each other; I think there were three like that. (Went to a taping of one of those last month -- still waiting on when it airs. Nicole or anyone interested in finding out, this is the phone number 312 321 5369. My show was the 1:00 PM taping. I am going to give away my surprise -- the first girl on the panel was pissed because her boyfriend of two years was cheating on her with a blow up doll who he called Loretta. I thought that I would say a comment, I asked Maggie since that was her name if I can give her a hug. I decided to give her a deep kiss -- pretty much telling the Garth of Wayne's World, look alike to treat his lady right otherwise she would be gone. The "girlfriend" was something that was man made -- so that was an example of brain damage. Another one is where a woman was making love to a construction cone, a little more brain damage.)
Now that is in the open -- I am going to leave the link to a net war that brewed, and as much as they are trying to belittle me. It shows that they must have been the illegitimate children of the village idiots. Sometimes I feel that I am surrounded by idiots, or watching the march of the many motherfuckers when I am looking at this one. So I had the final word and now I am going to leave it alone -- as much fun it was at their expense. Now I am going to go raid the fridge to get something to eat here, as always it had been a head trip.