|Friday, January 18th, 2002|
Just because of a rant I did on xanga they are trying to get me in trouble with the livejournal police, what the fuck do they expect me to do watch my fucking language. Because I have a strong opinion on something and back it up means that I should be deleted from livejournal -- what the motherfuck is up with that? I swear they had brain damage. Some people need to get a godmotherfucking damn life and leave me alone to say what I want to say, it is not so freedom of speech for the heterosexual male. I am pissed that so many tend to get more into trouble because my crime is freedom of speech, and being a heterosexual male one tends to get hell because the heterosexual male is being silenced. I helped a certain person on here and now she is stabbing me in the back, what the fuck is with that. I go by the benifit of the doubt at times and sometimes I would get in trouble for it but for others who like to get me kicked off of here -- fuck you because of all the help I had given you in the past, I wish I told you to fuck off then and there when you asked me for a website and for an online journal. You should be thanking me instead of fucking me over and stealing my money. One thing I hate are thieves and what you are is a theif who lied about sending out money that you owe. That money she said she sent me never got here -- DreamDisturber knew that Angel lied about sending it just so I can get off her back. What the motherfuck is up with that? I gave that money in good faith and now I never got that money; though you said you sent it -- you never did. Someone loans you money -- pay it the fuck back. And I am not going to watch my language, even when it comes to insulting authority.
Current Mood: irate
Remember how that same roommate supposedly made him get rid of his birds in the freezing weather? They are still alive, the birds, he just has a flare for the dramatic.
Wednesday, February 21st, 2001
I am trying to re-build my collection of CDs because someone broke into my apartment and cleaned out the fucker.
My ex said she had nothing to do with it but the look in her eyes said more than what she was claiming because some of my bags were gone too. She said that I had to give up my obsessions, which left me to the conclusion the trailer bitch cleaned out the apartment. I wanted to kill myself that night but I stayed with my son's god-father because I felt that I would of hurt myself that night because that was the ultimate violation -- a living nightmare of sorts. I had felt cornered like a venomous rattlesnake because anything would of set me off that night -- my head was between my knees, sobbing because I had been really betrayed. Twice betrayed -- one of them was from my ex and the other a former roommate. He killed my animals that I had for pets which happend to be some gerbils using is seven cats. I thought about the idea of borrowing a friends pit bull and let him have some fun.
Now here I am trying to get back what I had lost -- but with my son adopted out, part of me did die when they took him. The nightmare that would sit in the back of my head about him is that people are saying that I had became my father. The accusations of being a Satanist was part of it -- more of less what pushed me over the edge then. Even tried to take the very thing that kept me alive, that was my writing. Literally what I have been through over the past three years moving back and forth between Iowa and my home state of Illinois -- a conflicting relationship between my step-father and I, now it is mended when I had returned to Illinois for a week of August of 1999. At first they objected to me having a dark website and writing horror -- now they are the biggest supporters that I have. It was even strange to know that the person I am photographing knew of me before I had began writing to her -- she knew of the 1997 sessions that I had done with a former girlfriend.
The person he photographed was a plus-sized model named Carol Kelly. Nicky has a preference for plus-sized women.