Expose The Tard Exposing the truth from as far back as 1993.

Saturday, November 29, 2008

Editor and Layout Specialist

Nicky is whoring himself out for work. From the man who gleefully writes about aborted fetuses, gay sex and incest when he insults his enemies, and the same guy who is proud of the fact that he is stealing the ideas from Mike Philbin for the guidelines of Tabloid Purposes 6:66 that "There Is No God... You're All On Your Own FUCKERS!", there is one area he will not deal with: Erotica.

Not writing or editing it, if he is merely laying out someone's book and it's in there, he won't have any part of it. That isn't what his $65 covers. He needs to get laid.

Editor and Layout Specialist

November 27, 2008 at 5:35am
I am a layout specialist for higher to writers who want to publish their book on www.lulu.com. I work as an independent contractor in this field as in my rates are flat -- if you want a 200 page book designed for a 5.5 x 8.5 paperback or a 6 x 9 hardcover, it will be the same rate for both

My rates are $65.00 per book and I work via PayPal.com -- my specialty layout work are for anthologies and horror books. I have some strict details on kinds of books I will format and I don't format erotica so don't ask.

My primary occupation is a freelance writer. This is how I make some of my extra money sometimes when the rejection letters are too high to manage.
"when the rejection letters are too high to manage". If he makes extra money when that is the case he should be a millionaire by now instead of having to get a room at the Chicago International Hostel. That's right, I already got two reports from The Awakening II and not only is that where Nicky is staying, he is apparently trying to see if anyone at the event is heading anywhere near there afterwards. Seems his totes are in bad shape and too much for him to haul around on public transportation, and he needs a ride back.

I'll post them later don't worry. Here is a hint: Reggie's is filled with the stench of desperation, body odor, and cheap cigar smoke, and it's coming from one table.

12 comments:

Anonymous said...

Ohhhh a report from Nicky's signing, I can't wait! I really really hope that DJ Pathogen makes and appearance and gives us a report!

therustynail said...

Oh man, I'm so glad that someone managed to report back. The Nickosphere awaits the lulz with bated breath.

Bluey said...

If he's a layout specialist as he says, then surely his primary occupation is a layout specialist?

Of course, he could easily be equally skilled at both; that is to say not even remotely...

50 Foot Ant said...

Have you ever seen his layouts? They're total fucking crap. He just uses cut and paste to throw the fucking thing up there, uses shitty fonts, and fucks the rest of it up. I've never seen such shitty layout on PDF's. If he thinks he's going to make money doing layouts, he's got another thing coming. A 200 page can take up to 12 hours to do a proper layout and PDF build on, and he's charging $65? He's getting paid about $6/hr. He's a fucking idiot using freeware, and it's going to show.

Jessy said...

Christ I could do it in an evening for free. With actual paid Adobe products.

The man would be better farming MMORPG gold. seriously.

Anonymous said...

I love how narrow his guidelines are, as if he's influential enough to pick and choose his, er, "jobs".

Bluey said...

One nit I have to pick is that it doesn't matter what software Nicky uses. You could give him a budget of $10,000 with which to get software, fonts, artwork, the lot...

And it'd still look like shit.

JupiterPluvius said...

Guys, I think that's a typo. He's a LAYABOUT specialist.

Anonymous said...

Think he stole the freelancing idea from Mamatas, or from Lieder? We can assume he reads both of their LJs.

AngryInIllinois said...

He is also horrible with text. All of his covers and posters use unreadable text that he seems to simplify and make non-text layer early on before formatting. The end result is "gothy" text that appears he is trying to hard to be gothy that is unreadable.

I flipped over one of his books prior to burning and it had a crappy pic of him along with a wall of text about something, but fuck if it wasn't unreadable. He tries so hard to be dark and gothy he doesn't realize he should use some sort of basic font for the back and inside covers, with maybe the title text being gothy. Nope they have to be celtic or drippy or some shit.

I would love to be a fly on the wall when he shows his potential employers samples.

Also, with many of us preparing to try and "hire" him for layouts, he is going to get so deluged he will be too angry and skeptical so that when a legit offer comes along he is going to treat them like shit lol

50 Foot Ant said...

I do layout, and I mentioned in a couple of my blog entries that I do it freelance sometimes (it's good money once you get a good rep), but I doubt he stole it from me. He already stole the whole "Iron" thing from me.

I looked over the layout of every single goddamn thing he's ever written, and from the looks of it, he's not even using a PDF layout program, but rather a word processor plugin that lets him export Word documents into PDFs.

JupiterPluvius said...

Ant, he doesn't use Word. He uses OpenOffice, which doesn't even need a plugin--you can save any document as a .pdf.

FREELANCE LAYOUT ARTIST = freeware-using layabout artist

who wants people to pay him $65 for using the "save as" dropdown menu.

Report Him Anonymously

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