Expose The Tard Exposing the truth from as far back as 1993.

Monday, November 3, 2008

ROFL or Win For Bluey!

I saw this a few days ago, but forgot to post about it here on time!


I won't copy the whole thing over here, I'm just going to get to the part that officially made me fall off my chair laughing. There is plenty more after what you read below, so I beg of you to go read the rest of it. Yes, I officially lost it for at least ten minutes after I got to "An old woman".

Fair warning: Finish eating or drinking whatever you are consuming before reading the following.

Monday, 27 October 2008

Costumes for Hallowe'en

The end of October is fast approaching, boys and girls; no doubt some of you have already started carving faces into any variety of large, seedy fruit; the shops are out of pumpkins and you've worked your way down through marrows, cucumbers and God help you, you're even trying to cut a spooky face into the last tomato in the fridge. The one that's right at the back of the fridge and has patches of white mould on it.

Some of you are even less well prepared, and haven't got any costumes sorted out yet. Well, don't worry. Uncle Bluey to the rescue! I'm bursting with ideas, me. You want to embrace the world of horror for one night a year? Just follow these directions.

Costume #1: Nickolaus Pacione

Hallowe'en means horror, and what could be more horrific than a horror writer? Well, I really don't know. I couldn't find a horror writer for you to emulate, though, so instead you can try dressing as Nickypoo. You will need:

  • A hooded sweatshirt, commonly described as a 'hoodie'.
  • Sweatpants.
  • A baseball cap.
  • A pair of white sneakers.
  • A bottle of correcting fluid: Tipp-Ex, White-Out, anything you like.
  • Four pounds of dough.
  • A pot of pale grey poster paint.
  • One pound of hair, harvested from random locations.
  • A pot of glue.
  • A pint of urine.
  • A pint of sweat.
  • A balloon of helium.
  • An old woman.
Speaking of Nitwits and Halloween, can anyone tell me why "ValentineVegan" needed a haircut? That's like Yul Brenner stopping into a barber shop and asking someone to trim off his locks.


Anonymous said...

Hey ETT I wanted to email you this, but at the moment I can't.

I am not autoaim, nor do I know him. I emailed Nicky today and linked him to autoaim where his stories and latest home number is posted. He sent three emails, one blank, one upset that his shit was up there, and one saying autoaim was over.

But Nicky reported ME to yahoo, and I can't email him back because of that. He is on a snitching spree and needs to be stopped.

Anonymous said...

We're back to emailing each other. He is looking to profit off of this latest fiasco with a piece titled "Stolen Privacy".

That's all he is concerned about.

Bluey said...

Looks like he'll get an article all of his very own next week, then! Stay tuned, chums and pals, as I essay the role of expert P.R. man and give Nick ten simple tips on how to raise his profile and rake in the big bucks!

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