Expose The Tard Exposing the truth from as far back as 1993.

Thursday, March 25, 2010

"better introduce me as The Controversial Author, Nickolaus Pacione"


Mar 13, 2010, 11:09pm
Cool -- let's do it, better introduce me as The Controversial Author, Nickolaus Pacione. I just got done rebuilding my website and had to clean out the guestbook.
The above is a comment Nicky left to a bisexual girl on VampireFreaks.com

Not that this is a surprise to anyone that knows about him, but Nicky hasn't been deemed a "controversial author" by anyone, hell he hasn't even been called an author. Nicky himself is the one that pushes that.

Protip: Telling people you're bad ass doesn't make it so. As a matter of fact, doing it yourself -- specifically in public where people can see you trying to push that image -- only makes you look that much more like a poseur.

You complained to me last week and said that I personally was making it hard for you to book bands in your area. If you're the hard rock rebel you claim to be than that wouldn't even be an issue. They wouldn't read my site and even if they did, they wouldn't believe me if I were wrong. Real bad asses can usually smell a poseur a mile away, which is why you have it so rough at the moment. You. Are. A. Poseur.

And finally, Nicky has started a new social group on Ning (http://the815.ning.com/). The best part? The slogan he has on there is "The Largest Fucking Area Code In Illinois....", so you'd think it'd be full of people, right?

Nope. Nicky is the only one. :D


Anonymous said...

That was in reference to a section that was going to make for him on a board. You can see the board here http://vampirefreaks.com/cult/written-in-blood

I have to ask. How do you get rid of him once you realize how much he sucks? There's a section for Short Stories and Novels and he posts some old short story in the novel section! His ego is way too big.

Lewis said...

Generally I'm not comfortable with driving Nicky off a place for no reason, however if the regulars don't want him there but don't want to hurt his feelings too much then I would say their best bet is probably to make it a place he won't be comfortable posting on. To that end discussions of sex/erotica, positive portrayals of LGBT characters, and LGBT authors would probably do the job, oh and fan-fiction, man does he get a bee in his bonnet about fan-fiction.

Lewis said...

But whatever you do don't prod him directly, unless you don't mind receiving the odd angry message about it months from now.

ExposeTheTard said...

"discussions of sex/erotica"

LOL how do you do that when that's mostly what he writes?

I was reading over his writerscafe piece and while I don't find rape funny, I noticed this

"raped him with their genitals"

It's a piece he wrote about when he first got online, and even though the raping hairdressers had nothing to do with him, he still felt the need to mention them, and the above line, anyway. It's Nicky, the same guy who tried writing a gritty prison horror story and had throw in "tossing salad" and what exactly it is. You can't outgay him.

Anonymous: You're not the person whose profile he left the "controversial" message on, are you?

Anonymous said...

Thanks Lewis. And no Exposethetard I'm not her.

Lewis said...

That's just another example of his endearing hypocrisy though ETT, or perhaps it's subconscious?

Anyway he publicly claims to look down on writing that features erotica/sex, and in one email I received from him he told me he found homosexuality in any form disgusting. Even if he sneaks around reading the posts there he won't engage in any civil discussion because it would ruin his "public image", despite the fact we all know he's a fraud, and uncivil discussion would be valid grounds to report or ban him.

Also amusingly enough until Nicky I always thought tossing the salad was a euphemism for masturbation, probably because as a Brit I equate tosser with masturbator.

Anonymous said...

"reading the posts there"

Where is that?

therustynail said...

As if the Nickster needs any help repulsing potential clients! As with all his other failures, it's never his fault, is it? Sheesh.

Anonymous said...

Someone needs to write a Pacionese to English dictionary. I'll get it started.

Subversive = illiterate
Controversial = incoherent
Transgressive = nonsensical

Anonymous said...

Given a choice, Gerbil Cheeks will not allow commenting on any of his eleveny-billion social sites/blogs/"business" websites. Since most people with online presences crave feedback, what could that tell us?

If you're reading this, Nicky, that was a trick question.

Crawford Tillinghast said...


Pretty much universally derided as a pathetic idiot who mindlessly and indiscriminately rages at people. Check.


Can't write a sentence in English without causing a Chernobyl-level nuclear meltdown in the process. Check.

Anonymous said...


Oh wow, it looks like his family is really going to put him away this time. Pity, he was such an amusing toy.

autoaim.cfg said...

Aww, that's a shame. Then he'll miss out on the latest update of etherealgazette.com. I do believe they just put another Great Work of Art up on the front page over there.

Anonymous said...

On VampireFreaks he goes by LakeFossil. The name NickolausPacione is up for grabs. You'd think he'd have taken that because if a troll nabbed it, who would people believe the guy with his name or the guy using lakefossil like the trolls did with his domain?

Anonymous said...

"Raped him with their genitals" reminds me of another gem of his aimed at Pathogen

"I have to ask does he suck his mother's cock with his mouth."

Some people would add "As opposed to sucking it with..." at the end but it's just perfect as-is. Raping with genitals, sucking cocks with mouths, everyone is doing everything correctly.

Ben Flanagan said...

If Pacione abso-fuckin’-lutely refuses to publish sexual content, then what is the following passage doing in a story in current issue of the Ethereal Gazette:

“…she felt Cain’s hand on her thigh; it crept up her soft leg until it was under her skirt and between her legs. Blakely scootched forward on the seat and casually spread her legs. She moaned as Cain pushed two fingers into her and twirled them around inside her body which caused her to openly moan. Blakely could feel her wetness seeping over her thighs, his fingers,and forming a small puddle beneath her ass on the leather seat. Within minutes she grasped the seat with her fingernails and an exhausted moan of an orgasm slipped between her lips.”

ExposeTheTard said...

What story has that in it, Ben?

Ben Flanagan said...

The Headlights by Christopher Frost

Ben Flanagan said...

And let's not forget this bit (from the same story):

"Blakely leaned over to Cain, her hand swept over his body and down between his thighs. She cupped his groan [sic] and massaged it with the palm of her hand."

ExposeTheTard said...

You've got to be kidding me! What a little liar!

Do you suppose he feels that doesn't count because it's not penetration or something? Still sex to me.

Lewis said...

I was just browsing his submission guidelines on his ULMB site. Two things stand out relating to this discussion, the first is from his submission guidelines.

"Everyone knows I don't allow sexual content in any form."

And from his wish list.

"# Lady Authors: If Doing A Nightmare Story. Take your full body picture laying in bed, asleep (No Nudity and fully Gothed Out In Black Makeup -- let your boyfriend or husband do this picture. Guys doing the picture -- make sure you do it where you can see her completely covered up to her shoulders laying on her back with books resting on her covered body or if you have a mummy type sleeping bag on the floor do that with a shitload of books by Stephen King, Richard Matheson, Mick Mercer, and Edgar Allan Poe. Best Results for this is a futon.

Mike Brendan said...

What a lying little sack of perversion he is...

ExposeTheTard said...

Lewis can I get a link to the guidelines? He has like a hundred ulmb sites lol

Lewis said...


Since he's told me several times that he'd never publish the stories I write I was curious as to the kind of stories he did want.

This kills me each time I see it though.
"What Subject Matter I Want To See:
This Is Also Known As My Wish List"

Anonymous said...

Since he asks for stories pre-formatted, what do you want to bet he doesn't even read half of the stories he actually publishes? That's probably why this slipped by.

ExposeTheTard said...

Anonymous if that were true it'd be that much more hilarious considering in every "What Are You Reading" thread, he claims to be reading his books.

However I think you're right because I've always suspected that when he opens one of those up, he goes right to his own stories and reads them over and over. People don't realize how in love with his writing he is.

Jenny said...

Countdown to Christopher Frost receiving a string of nasty e-mails from Nicky...10...9....8...

Anonymous said...

Wow, that submission guideline page is a wonder. The first four of his house rules are "no sex", and he goes into detail about exactly what kind of sex he doesn't want to see. Then there are two rules warning about plagiarism, and one warning about fan fiction (with NO SEX, dammit!), but writing Real Person stories is A-OK.

His Wish List is pure, distilled Nicky. I love it. It akes me want to write a Goth, darkitty-dark horror story about a metalhead author who's having coffee in a late night diner next to a hospital, sees a cat go by, then spends the rest of the story freaking out because the cat may or may not have been a black one. Oooh, scary!

Anonymous said...

ha the cat. Like I.O.W.A. theres a bird that may be calling his name, even he says it. made me imagine him somewhere in public with a bird somewhere cawing and him freaking the fuck out screaming at it telling it to leave her alone. reminds me of that video where he's yelling at his camera.

do you have that video still ETT?

ExposeTheTard said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
ExposeTheTard said...

I found it!


(or search "banned video 3")

Anonymous said...

Ben Flanagan and Tess: You guys have the Ethereal Gazette 10 as a pdf?

Ben Flanagan said...

I have seen and read a copy of the Ethereal Gazette 10; I don't necessarily HAVE a copy in my possession.

Incidentally, I did email Pacione and inquire about the erotic content of EG10. The conversation went as follows (paraphrasing):

Me: So what are these passages doing in EG 10? (quotes passages)

Pacione: Fuck you you fucking fucker. That's from the fake EG (more insults follow; Sodom and Gomorrah are mentioned)

Me: No, it's in EG 10 (cites story and page)

Pacione: (silence)

Me: Still waiting for an answer.

Pacione: Fuck you you fucking fucker. (faggots, e-pirates and cocks are also mentioned)

And that's where it currently stands.

ExposeTheTard said...

Wait, what? He's denying it? I have an idea to settle this once and for all, and shame shall be wrought...

Anonymous said...

Someone should track down this Chrisopher guy and verify from the author himself. I tried but the email I found no longer works. Anyone else have a lead on him?

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