Expose The Tard Exposing the truth from as far back as 1993.

Tuesday, March 30, 2010

Nicky Is A Pervert

Thank you to Ben Flanagan and Lewis for this!

 As Mr. Flanagan pointed out here, Ethereal Gazette Issue Ten does indeed contain sexual content. The story is called The Headlights by Christopher Frost and even though Nicky didn't write it, it does contains sexual content. To most this would seem like nothing, but we are talking about Nicky who reminds the world every 10 minutes that he doesn't allow sexual content in anything to do with Lake Fossil Press.

If you read his guidelines, the second rule for Ethereal Gazette submissions does in fact state

  • SMUT -- come on, do you want me to lose the support of the library in my area? Be respectful of my magazine and the guidelines -- please read the magazine before you thing about submitting. Everyone knows I don't allow sexual content in any form. I do allow profanity in the magazine. You can use the Seven Dirty Words in the stories, but you're not allowed to write hanky-panky in the story. My book has the new seven dirty words -- and you can use those too.

  • Yet as Ben points out, there's definately some smut in Issue Ten. Nothing bad or immortal, but it is sexual content and Nicky has said thousands of times over he won't have it. He does apparently.

    Remember his bondage sleep sack obsession? While a number of people assumed it was sexual, some pondered the idea that he used them because had an autism spectrum disorder, and the sacks worked along the lines of a hug box.

    Nope. It's sexual.

  • Lady Authors: If Doing A Nightmare Story. Take your full body picture laying in bed, asleep (No Nudity and fully Gothed Out In Black Makeup -- let your boyfriend or husband do this picture. Guys doing the picture -- make sure you do it where you can see her completely covered up to her shoulders laying on her back with books resting on her covered body or if you have a mummy type sleeping bag on the floor do that with a shitload of books by Stephen King, Richard Matheson, Mick Mercer, and Edgar Allan Poe. Best Results for this is a futon.

  • If you still doubt it's sexual, the guys have their own separate guidelines

  • Guy Authors: street clothes crashed on the couch with shoes on if you do a similar story with beer cans on the floor and a horror film on the TV. Best effect if author is a bachelor with room mates. Let your girlfriend take the picture.

  • In other words, try your hardest to look like him and make your surroundings the filthy pig sty that he himself dwells in. Coming from a guy who has used timers on cameras to photograph himself sleeping over the past ten years, it seems really really odd that he insists the pictures are taken by the person's partner. Girilfriends and boyfriends are the only ones allowed to snap pictures of the writers, so mothers and uncles gtfo! Truth be told however, this is probably his way of weeding out the gay writers. If, for example, a guy says "Can I have my boyfriend take my picture?" or a woman says "Um I don't date guys my life partner can take it though." Nicky will be able to spot homosexuals beforehand and ban them from his publication. 

    This is probably a precaution he is taking after finding out just how many of his previous authors were gay. In trying to boost sales of previously released books of his, he has Googled the names of past authors with the intent of using their past and future writing credits to make his publications look better. In doing so, he has learned after publishing them that they were gay. If you are thinking that has happened a couple of times, your number is too low. As you can imagine, when Nicky discovers he paid a gay person to submit to one of his books, he becomes enraged. So I'm almost certain his latest and weirdest guideline additions are to combat this.



    Anonymous said...

    "So I'm almost certain his latest and weirdest guideline additions are to combat this."

    Maybe you're right. Or maybe he just wants some bondage porn for his computer. Seriously, I don't think he's even aware he has a fetish, or what he's asking for is overtly sexual. Or maybe he thinks no one will notice if he asks the girls to "cover up". After all, eroticism isn't always about being naked. That's probably why he googles sleepsacks. The mind boggles.

    ExposeTheTard said...

    You may be right, because the guys aren't supposed to be in bondage sleepsacks, only the women.

    On the other hand, he makes a point to tell people to have their hetero partners take the pictures.

    Mind boggling indeed. Maybe one of the trolls could be persuaded to ask him about this fetish?

    Melany said...

    Of course if you are gay and want to submit such pictures to nicky it would probably be easy enough to find someone to pretend to be your boyfriend/girlfriend long enough to fool the nicky. He's not the sharpest tool in the shed after all.

    ExposeTheTard said...

    That part is true Melany! I'm sure he has more gay in his life than he knows people just don't tell him.

    Was he into that sleepsack thing when you were with him?

    Melany said...

    yeah he was. He'd spend half an hour or more every night tucking, folding, retucking, refolding. And was always looking for those mummy sleeping bags.

    Anonymous said...

    I almost didn't get past the part where he makes the excuse that writing about sex might lose him the support of his local library. Wow. Would that be the same library that banned his smelly ass?

    I am also of the opinion that Nicky doesn't even know that he has a fetish, because that would imply that he's sexual, and sexuality is NO BAD WRONG DIRTY PILLOWS to him. I think that's what makes the whole sleepsack thing so creepy for me. He has a sex drive but has no freaking clue what to do with it (besides deny it loudly and unconvincingly), but it keeps oozing out of him anyway.

    Melany said...

    If he thinks sex would make the local library stop supporting him he might want to check to see if they carry books by Laurell K. Hamilton which are full of sex =D

    ExposeTheTard said...

    No he means the high school library at his alma matter.

    "Nickolaus Pacione The Chicago Metal Factory: How the fuck are you guys doing? I just finished my tenth issue of the magazine I edit and it's a molten slab of metal infused speculative fiction at 248 pages."

    It's also got fingers in vaginas you guys should check it out!

    Anonymous said...

    ETT FTLulz!

    Jenny said...

    Now I wonder how much sex slipped through into the Tabloid Purposes series. I've got I through IV, but I certainly haven't read all -- or even a majority -- of the stories. Maybe I'll skim through more of the stories this weekend and see what I find...

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