Then I remembered how I have posted old pictures of his that he's lost in past hard drive crashes, and he has repeatedly told me not to.
Most importantly, I remembered how in recent weeks, he's going out of his way to let the world know that he's a mosh pit master.
It sure would suck if someone posted proof that he isn't, then watermarked it to boot, wouldn't it?
Since he's a full-on promoter now and looking to book at places that allow most pits, it would be detrimental to his budding career if someone posted proof that he can't take the stress of public events, wouldn't it? Or if he was exposed to be weak, period?
If so, the following is gonna suck for him.
8.24.2005That was five years ago. Has his health improved enough to do the job these days?
I am so exhausted right now it isn't even funny, and been busy working on my first full length book and starting a short story for the literary / dream journal. Right now it is about 8:30 PM CDT in Morris, Illinois, and working on a short story that will eventually find its home on diary-x. I am looking back at the old entries and figured would purge those and start new with this one. I am trying to keep a semi-professional attitude here because the whole damned world is watching every move I make now. Especially since I got two signings coming up in the next two months, and it was exactly four years ago when I went to my first convention. I think about that convention sometimes, and wonder what if I didn't have a dark journal going into the place. But who I am kidding the dark side is so much a part of me now it isn't even funny, especially since some of my friends are studying to become funeral directors.
If I wasn't sick as it is with my imagination, they come in and try to gross me out even more especially when I am eating -- they talk about pulling out a bloody tampon from a dead body. I am sure Mike Philbin would be getting some rather sick ideas from that one, hell I couldn't sleep for days after talking with Kriz. I could only imagine sleeping in a dorm room within a funeral home, and some morbid ideas to really scare people in there especially with my imagination. I actually played around with the idea of taking a nap in an open coffin and the way I sleep people are trying to put a mirror up to my face just to make sure I was still breathing. I remember a few years back from an old entry from the community I once ran, and was struggling with bouts of bronchitis. The nurses had to help me into bed with all the wires and everying. About four on my legs, a couple on my chest, then about four stuck to the back of my head and four on my face. They told me I could bring my sleeping bag into the test because I wasn't feeling well when I took the test. In fact one of the nurses actually scared me out of my wits. The entry I wrote of this was back in December 2002. It was something of that nature when I went to conventions I find myself either extremely tired and starting to come down with something or some other kind of health scare in there.
The hardest time of the year for me getting sleep is often the summer months because of the heat; I literary had to sleep in the lower living room with two fans blowing just to keep everything below room temprature. A few days ago I snapped a couple of pictures of me resting so some of the readers don't get worried about me because of my health tends to pay for it sometimes especially when it comes to getting the magazine ready to go. I think about this when I go to these events and make sure I make a few days out of it because that would allow me to get a few days sleep before actually going. That was my mistake going to both JournalCon, and the mistake I made with Convergence 10 was that I didn't keep my medication with me at all times. The difference between JournalCon 2001 and Covergence was this -- I actually went camping for JournalCon 2001 to save some money.
The thing I didn't count on was the ground eating my tent stakes and raining like it was no tomorrow. So during the groups discussing about entries I found myself having to borrow a blanket and a pillow and pass out in the corner on one of the couches. I didn't get much sleep and forgot to pack my meds, and found out if I am without my meds -- the police can by default put me in an ambulance to take me to the hospital. More so now because of all the meds I have to take, especially with one of them causes my body to respond like a damned diabetic. Those of you who were at Convergence 10 would know the story behind that one; I had a nasty case of the shakes. Then on the first three days after JournalCon 2001; when I had to check out of my campsite I had to find a place to wash all my clothes and dry out my sleeping bag because what happened there my tent caved in when I was stuck in the city.
So here I am years later and getting ready to go to Gothicfest 2005, it is offically the first major book signing I am doing as a lulu author. Being that book stores won't carry them because they don't have an ISBN on them so I have to sign the books at expos. I would rather do it expos but some of the books I have to do all the legwork myself to get it done, especially since I am gaining momentum in the industry. Some would see me as a laughing stock but all depends who you ask. So doing the book, An Eye In Shadows, is my way of not exactly breaking loose from being a horror writer, just giving me a wider reader base by saying I am also a nonfiction author. Since it is mainly my essays and nonfiction finds their way into publications I will do a book that picks up on that strength, the book itself is about my first four years as author while I was going to school at Glenbard East. The people who played their parts in the book will be addressed by Mr. or Ms. then their last name.
This is just so I am covering my ass; in each chapter I will write about how it was back then and add something about how it is now -- comparing the bullies I delt with then with the ones I deal with now in the industry. It is the industry bullies that pushed me into doing this project because Collectives on Amazon wasn't that well recieved. So I wanted to do something that will identify with the population who have the common practice of alienation. Even if I might have a dark persona, I am proving that that darkness is not a gimmick for me, and for me this is the real thing. Many of my nightmares became the inspiration for Collectives but sometimes throwing in a character driven story or a short story that is a work of nonfiction; I've been doing horror fiction and nonfiction equally as long but recently it was all my nonfiction that found its way into print. Especially since I made my first print sale, second sale overall. This time with a sister magazine that published a journal entry of mine. It is getting to be pretty cool that my journal entries are getting a lot of recognition. Now I am just waiting to see if some of my former classmates will end up contributing to my anthologies in some way or form."
Sat Feb 20, 2010 2:38 am
"I did a show two years ago in April with Pitch Black Productions and Rebel Radio to bring in Neutral Red — the Chicago scene took them in as one of their own, and to see that happen. It made me happy, but I was puking my guts up at the show because my nerves were going haywire."