"my chances to get a wider audience as a writer; might of doubled if I had a college degree."

From the great Ray Garton, who once again has been contacted by the world's shortest plagiarizer, Nicky.

Once again, Little Nicky has put his stubby little thumb-like fingers to the keyboard to send me two more missives:

"Screw you Garton. Mark my words -- I will fuck your world up. don't ever get in the way of my anthologies otherwise I will kick your ass. This is war Garton. Telling people NOT to submit to my anthology. I don't give a flying fuck for your damn career. I am not pretending to be a writer, I am a writer. Either if you like it or not. My name is getting published with my work. Fucking asshole, I am at college level dickhead. I don't need to write a stripper hack vampire story to get noticed. You slander me -- it is not police matter or a court matter. I will handle it myself mano e mano."

"I am a college educated bastard mother fucker.

ETT note: Let's stop there for a sec.

from here

• I need to go back to school though in the worst fucking way. I am turning 25 in August

from here

• No one expected the quiet special education student to become one of the most notorious horror writers on the web

• Who never thought that the nerd in the Special Education classes was a horror force of nature.

• but I will say this of the guidence worker at the time who was working there at the time I was a Senior – she made a huge mistake saying that I shouldn’t take the ACT/SATs. Personally, I wished she let me go on and take the test because my options would have been a lot more varied and my chances to get a wider audience as a writer; might of doubled if I had a college degree.

• The class of 1994, a good question of how many horror writers and editors were from this graduation class but I can say this much I noticed more of them when I go online. It was when I enlisted into the NAVY but the career was shortlived because of my learning disability which I learned about a year later.

If we look at his personals, here

• Level of Education: Some college

OK back to the rant Nicky sent Ray

"All your books are not even being pushed in Joliet, they are collecting dust somewhere. "

ETT note: Nicky's books aren't collecting dust, they are being used for far better things

"The only reason you became a grand marshall at the World Horror Convention is because Darren McKeeman couldn't find anyone else at short notice, I am willing to bet one of my short stories getting published in a larger mag against the fact you're fucking him in his ass to get the deal (since you're both from that area.)"

I'm not sure what the marital status of Little Nicky's parents has to do with his imaginary college education ... but then, he never makes sense. I strongly suspect that if Little Nicky has seen the inside of a college at ALL, it was only the men's room, most likely the far stall where he probably gave in to his deeply repressed, heatedly denied homosexual urges by trying to get a peek at some fratboy wee-wee.

Your Grand Marshall,
Ray Garton


Thank you again Ray for helping to expose him for the psychopath he is. Recently he has realized that his private threats will not remain private, and that while he may have decided to pretend he is a victim ala the "Myspace Mom", he is in fact the very monster he claims to be the victim of.

And speaking of exposing him for who he really is...

"You burned a book with an African American author in it, and you what that means -- I can report you to the AACP."

Seems our favorite little psychopathic plagiarizer is on the ropes and now wants to hide behind the civil rights movement to shield him from the shitstorm he has brought on himself.

And of course in typical Nicky fashion, he makes a complete hypocrite of himself in the process.

Anonymous said...
"Hi ETT. I have been reading your site ever since my friend told me about his "batshit crazy buddy" and I did a search for him on the net. He told me another friend of his burned one of Nick's books because they saw it online and though it was funny. I knew a mutual friend of ours that had some of his books and asked if they had any they'd part with, turns out they did and had already given one to the mutual friend to burn so I got that Tabloid Purposes and burned it.

Anyway, Nick is pissed as you can see, and he has been leaving me some hilarious messages.

here's a suggestion:

here's a suggestion take a rainbow flag and wrap it arouind your ass then light the fucking thing on fire.

So he thought I was gay and told me to wrap myself in the gay flag and burn it, because he hates homos.Here is the next one.

Re: Re: here's a suggestion

You are all behind the book burnings of my books but I got the royality for the gazette either way so you think that will hurt me -- I already got the money. You wasted $11 on a book and if you didn't like the book why did you go around buying the book? Setting fire to it on a public level as that, just to prove a point.

I am a legit publisher and now a legit editor. You're going around stifling the authors in the magazine why because you have a hatred for me. You burned a book with an African American author in it, and you what that means -- I can report you to the AACP.

Might as well wrap a sin flag around youself and light that on fire. I am thinking they all point back to you and some of your friends because one of your friends bought six copies of a book, and now I know why you're doing it just to see if you can get me to close my company well it isn't happening.

You asshols go around impersonating me and trying to mislead people about my company by creating a fake version of LAKE FOSSIL PRESS.

You can eat shit and kill yourself.

So now he is telling me one of the people in the book I burned was black, therefore he is going to get the "AACP" on me. I alway thought it was the NAACP. I like how he calls me a bigot then bashes gays again.

Here is the last one:

Re: here's a suggestion Re: Re:here's a suggestion

asshole, my suggestion still stands take a gasoline soaked rainbow flag wrap it around your ass and light it on fire. An African American author is featured in issue five and an african american author did the introduction for Tabloid Purposes IV. I know the book burners are all one person creating more than one account.

Piss on you mother fucker. What you assholes are doing is a fucking hate crime no matter how you're looking at it. Tabloid Purposes is a real anthology no matter how one looks at it. When you light that rainbow flag on your ass be sure to load that up on youtube.com for the whole world to see.

So he says it again yet makes another biggoted remark towards gays.

I am not any of those other burners and I don't know anything about that Lake Fossil account he accused me of making I just think it's funny he says I am commiting a hate crime while he is obviously prejiduced against gays.

You can call me GuyMontag. IamGuyMontag.
May 25, 2008 2:07 PM"

I have to say that even after almost a decade he even amazes me once in a while. I always think he has hit rock bottom and he always shows me he can drop lower than that.

A Wannabe Author Goes After A Real Author

Today I had the honor of having Mr Ray Garton visit this site and left a very interesting message about Nicky, who has chosen to harass him once again.

RayGarton said...

My name is Ray Garton, and I'm a writer. It's what I do. I've got over fifty books to my credit, three of which are in the works as movies (shameless plug -- my new novel RAVENOUS is in stores now). I do not know Nick Pacione, I've never met him. But I'm a professional writer with some success, a fan base, and I've been published by real, actual publishers -- which, in Nicky's world, makes me The Enemy. Some years ago, I took a lot of abuse and harassment from Nicky, but I hadn't thought of him in years -- until, out of the blue, he messaged me on Yuku today. In fact, I've received a series of messages from him this afternoon. Here is a sampling of these badly written hate notes. This was the first message that came for no apparent reason whatsoever:

"Why I don't like you and you went out of your way to discredit everything I've done. I would find humor in someone vandalizing your care. I would never read your work even if someone was to pay me $100. I would rather see you go broke Garton. I've sold my work to a few legitimate small press mags and you still say I got negative talent, FUCK YOU."

I don't have a clue what the hell he's talking about. As usual. Here are some of his greatest hits from the other messages:

"I would rather do one thing to your books :light match and toss on manuscripts.: Fucker. I got the talent to get published on Specficworld.com asshole. I hope you die from what ever you got because I will piss on your grave."

"You would rather pirate the damn crap bitch. What kind of example are you providing to your daughters by bullying around a writer who sold to semi-pro. My newer works are by far better than anything you wrote with your third degree burned hands mother fucker. Let me ask this much -- did you think people burning my books were funny, if you did then you're a fucking nazi."

Frankly, I had no idea anyone was burning Nicky's ramblings. I say more power to them.

Ray, the videos in question are





And I for one find them hilarious. I laugh everytime I see them. When I need cheered up I watch them, or the parodies of them



You as an author might not find them funny, but he is a monster and not an author and technically those aren't books they are vanity press projects written by a plagiarizer.

Here is the rest of Ray's message.

And still more:

"You know you pissed on my name one too many times bitch. What if someone was to give your daughter a copy of House of Spiders 3 or Tabloid Purposes IV and they liked the book including the story Passenger? What would you do if your daughters were fans of Nickolaus Pacione. They asked you to buy them books of mine would you? or would you go as far to fuck my sales over?"

By the way, I have no daughters, no children at all. Apparently Nicky enjoys dragging even *non-existent* children into his battles. And more:

"Fuck off you book burning sack of shit. I hope you get AIDS yet. My work doesn't suck you bastard, just doesn't use sex to get a crowd. you will never last in this business because you CAN'T write without sex."

"You better hope I don't meet you in person for that remark. I will personally beat your ass. Your career for mine. I beat your ass you will stop with the slandering of my work. If you beat mine I will not crossover into film making."

"Beating you up will be more than a pleasure. Who knows it would be good publicity for me."

"So you're willing to stifle every credit I have to get there. You don't deserve the grand master thing asshole, you get paid for beating off fan fiction of Buffy The Vampire Slayer. I got published on my terms and working my way up the ladder. Anne Rice actually gave me her full blessing with my own works. You're going to diss me when she actually gave me her blessing with Tabloid Purposes IV? Your career is going up in smoke with this man. I know enough just don't care to write about it.
I know my craft well enough Garton to realize not to be an asshole like you. Stifle me -- watch you fall like the rest. You're going to be a casuality."

God, I'd LOVE to stifle him -- if only I knew how! And more:

"You use your money to stifle an author who is well on his way to get up there, and knowing that you go around smoking your crack and snorting your coke, and a few fucks on the side to cheat on your wife. The way you act around me it's like I just got done fucking your wife."

So, now I'm spending all my money to end Nicky's sparkling career. HA!

"You deserve every abusive comment goddamned fat fuck. At least I get paid for not masterbating on Buffy The Vampire Slayer."

"Fuck off loser. You're going to make it worst for you to get readers in Chicago."

Ah, yes, we must all tremble at Nicky's enormous influence in the city of Chicago. Yeah, right.

I went searching for Nicky on the Internet to see if he'd posted anything slanderous about me anywhere, and I found this wonderful site. Whoever's responsible for it, thank you. I thought you'd enjoy these messages from Little Nicky.

Ray Garton

Thank you Ray for posting that and for writing Live Girls, one of my favorites. :)

I am sorry that he mentioned your children he apparently didn't learn his lesson this week when I reposted his own words documenting that he himself is a horrible parent. This will not go unpunished.

Gross

He's on youtube relating himself to the victim of the "Myspace Mom".

NickolausPacione (2 days ago) Show Hide

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I know this all too well because I've been stalked maliciously and impersonated on here. I am a hated person because I speak the truth and very honest about anything. I didn't hide behind any screen names in the beginning. The scary thing about this though is my mother is 47 and my sister is same age as the girl who hung herself.

The fucked up thing about this being there are a lot of people who openly practice this and burning books on youtube too. I will give you more examples later.

dj6ual (2 days ago) Show Hide

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Thank u so much for sharing. I would love you to post moreof ur thoughts. You sond like a very good person. I appreciate ur comment...

NickolausPacione (1 day ago) Show Hide

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I can do one better. Take a look at my piss blogger rant on here if you want, that puts it all out there. Then I will have a video on Current TV talking about the book I wrote.

This is actually goes in connection with the book I wrote last summer and been out for a year. People maliciously pirated the book too and went as far as to accuse me of plagiarism because I don't write the trend crap.

He sounds really sincere. It's all about him. A teenage girl dies and he uses that page to whine about his own problems, then again tells the world his mom's real age.

FYI

Date: Tue, 20 May 2008 03:59:19 UT
From: "LiveJournal.com Support" Add Mobile Alert
To: exposethetard@yahoo.com
Subject: Support Request #887235


Your LiveJournal.com support request regarding "Banned user returning under another name "gothvlogs" has been filed and will be answered as soon as possible. Your request tracking number is **********

Repost for a Reason

Going after people's kids again, Nicky?

Where is yours?

You had yours taken away and told you could never, ever see your child again because of child abuse.

Abuse at your hands.

1:29 am - reasons for wanting to go to Starved Rock,,,,
The reason I want to try to get the trip to Starved Rock going within the next weeks or so being that I want to get my mind off what came down on the 20th of April, the Columbine anniversery as well as the day of when I got accused of child abuse. That was the weeks leading into my actually signing into the hospital -- actually might get outing done on the very day of the anniversery of when I signed myself into the hospital. I signed myself into the hospital on May 5th, 1999, being that I knew that something was very wrong with me and I did not know what it was. That was the day I learned that I had a depressive illness, and when they took me in to do the MMPI testing is when I learned of the bipolar diagnosis. I was trying to enlist into the Army at the time but it was on a snap descision and could not find my DD2-14's from when I was in the Navy. So that was more the reason I want to do the trip -- to get the memory of the nightmare off my mind. I have a lot of nightmares about that day because of the fact I get the inquisition dreams at times and sometimes those are the ones that really scare me because I keep thinking my **** is going to hate me, like how I hate my biological father.I think that is the reason I write so much, being that I have a lot on the mind and the reason I travel asmuch as I do. I have a wanderlust at times which I cannot seem to stop at times.
I never travel by Greyhound though -- cramped quarters. The sleeper cars are
cramped quarters but at least I was able to lay down if I was feeling ill.

Can you really, honestly talk about people and their kids?

Now, It's On

To my * ******* ******* "******" Pacione,, ******, on ******* **th is your *** birthday at the time I had written this one. I know you are too young to be reading this right now but when you are old enough to read it -- hopefully you would be able to find my name on a search engine and this would pull up. I had been too sick to raise you and would be missing out on you growing up which is something that caused me to die inside because I did not have a father -- well I did but he was basically nonexistant. The father came into my life when I was ten years old -- in form of a step-father. If livejournal is around as long as you are in your teens you would find this, but right now you are three years old -- happy belated birthday, right now I am in tears thinking about you and I will always be your father, no matter what happens -- and your mother always be your mother even though we terminated our parental rights. I did everything wrong in the beginning -- I was too young to raise you at 22, still a kid myself in some ways. And your mother was mentally ill. but now I had know I was too sick mentally to raise you but when you are old enough to read this -- maybe when your are thirteen I will get you an email address through my server, and you can remain in touch with me because I stiill want to be your father and had every intention to raise you but funds were unable to do so because you had many special needs. I intend to have more kids in time and you would have brothers and sisters -- I only pray that if they meet you before I do, don't try to date them because they are related. I am going to tell them about you and hopefully if you have grandchildren, they would see their grandfather published. You mother gave me an aultimatum -- my writings or her. Which was lead to the strained relationship and the state turned us against each other. I did love her and wanted to marry her so I would make things right -- doing the responsible thing, but the responsible thing for me now is to get well from this curse of mental illness -- it is one that was inhereted from your biological grandfather, the asshole who is my birth father. The very reason that I have so many pictures on the web is that you would have something to look at to see what your father looks like -- slight ly changing my looks but keeping a relatively same look that I had when you were born. If you develope a talent for writing -- I would be with you always because that is the gift that I had given you as well as an ability to be creative. I am not sure what ****** gave you but though you may not have the same name you were given but keep in mind that you are always a Pacione. You may not see your great-grandparents because they are up in their years -- just blessed that I have a young mother, and you an aunt that is four years older than you are so if anyone you should try to find is my mother first, your grandmother at birth -- you look more like your mother but you would have some of my quirks such as my illness, a mental illness. When they took you from me I became very suicidal and wanted to end it -- but I felt that if I did that you would never meet me, I want you to look me up before you turn 18. Even if the department of human services would do everything in their power to keep you from finding me do whatever it takes. You will have my quick tempter as well as your mothers because you are a red-head, which you might be quick to sock someone because I was. You might end up socking me because I wanted to sock my father because of him leaving your grandmother. I am doing this on my livejournal because there is a reason for this, and as a father I love you very much -- and you would see him in a print magazine in your lifetime. I started writing so I can find my father because I have so many unanswered questions -- as I would like to say to a friend of mine about myself being the walking riddle. Which is something I had always been -- and that was an enigma. One of the reasons I travel when I can is to drown all the pain inside of not having you in my arms and holding you like a father should. Visitations were not pretty because your mother and I argued at the very end but we had our good times too, at one time we loved each other. But if you find a Jerry Springer taping if you have friends parents who watch it -- ask them about the Springer episode taped April 4th, 2001, at 2:00 PM which was the one called Wild Affairs. Even if you have to call the show and request a copy of it if Springer is still around because that is one you'd be cracking up because your daddy can be a funny man if he wanted to be. September 11th, 2001, you would be too young to remember it but that was the day that your father was lucky because a step-great-aund of yours died in August of 2001 when your grandparents came to see me that saved me a trip down there. That day would of been the day I would of been coming back to Illinois from seeing them -- right now I am not ready to get in the air but when you are 18 and graduating from high school might be the day I am returning to Iowa so I can come see you walk down that isle. As of now I am disabled so I have a lot of time in the world -- but I know with the illness sometimes I would not have it all upstairs but you would see the intelegences coming in the lines somewhere.

Remember that really long letter?

"especially when we had a child together, but the state had taken him away from us."

Are you done going there? Bring that press on, Nicky, we will show all of your quotes, written and video, where you say horrible things about children and those who have passed on.

Bring on the press idiot, we have much to show them.

"it is no reason to have me deleted"

From Rusty Nail's comment section
http://therustynail.wordpress.com/2008/05/16/found-it-on-eljay/#comments

on May 17, 2008 at 10:08 am Nickolaus Pacione

You’re all shits who need to have their journals pulled and every medium to smear people at every cost shut down from you. Do you hear that Rusty, that’s the door closing behind you and the lock clicking behind you. This myspace mom story is going to give me the momentum to shut you down and you’re becoming more hard up by the day because you knew your life was a failure early on.

Let's see, he wants people's journals pulled and them censored for things they say that offend him.

Now, let's go back in time.

Friday, January 18, 2002

The faggots are at it again here, just because I am pissed off about the fact that I don't get the money a person owes me, doesn't mean that I should be cornered because they say I don't have the right to say it. Just because they tend to carry that abominational flag proudly doesn't mean it makes it right. Now they are wanting to do another blacklisting -- the fuck is up with that. I had said this once and I will say it again, brain damage. I swear to God that they have brain damage. I would not be so pissed if I did get that money she owed me but now I got cheated. I am through with with trying to watch what I say because it would offend certain people, if you are offended -- fuck off because I don't give a shit. I cannot help if they dropped you on the head if you were a baby, or if you were born in a test tube. Christ, all it is just doing is giving me more fuel to make cracks about.
I cannot help to say it by this, I am not born to offend just that honesty is my only excuse to say what I am going to say. All they want to do is get me in deep shit on livejournal because of what I say on here -- they have no control over what I say on xanga if I want to tell them to fuck off and to say what I want to say. All they do is say jibberish, but for this is said. As much as they try to censor me. Just because I like to talk some trash and will not back down; it is no reason to have me deleted or have me in deep shit for what I do.

And regarding livejournal?

nickolaus pacione

2

Now you see why I have Brad Fritz on my list for giving a punch in the head.

Sunday, September 4. 2005

"I have gone evil"

Here is part two of the "goth" expounding about how dark and gothy Illinois is, and how he is it's official "scribe". That's emo for "I am obsessed with murders and crimes and try my damndest to relate all of them to myself".

That as one would be reading this that I wrote would say that I have gone evil, but what I write has some truth to it. When I wrote Marynoll Nightmares, I had the place called the Marynoll Seminary in mind when I wrote it since it has a haunted history to it. I had been one of a dark historian since Glen Ellyn in strongly influenced by Wheaton College. I often sought refuge in Naperville since I was surrounded with kindred spirits. Though the river walk had been my stomping grounds through out the summer of 1997 -- I had much felt alone though I was among my peers because many of them are role-players in the Masquarade. I am one of the very few that don't role play and much of my darkness is expressed in my writing, artwork, and photography. Thoughts that are concieved in the eyes of philosophy are what I would often ponder on such as what does make the center hold.

When one would visit Naperville and Joliet, The thoughts that would be inside of their mind as they are mesmorized by the old Gregorian structures and Victorian Gothic designs. One can only see inside of the thoughts that would remain -- knowing that a mother murdered her own children in one of the houses in Naperville, and in Joliet, a woman -- who was a nurse had been strangled and the house burned to hide the remains of the bizarre homicide. I can only look on and be the scribe that would record the nightmares that would be there from when time began. I am not the brother's keeper, nor I am the one who had committed the original murder but one that had only read and penned of such things using the words written from my troubled imagination.

As you venture around Joliet, you would hear stories about the Rialto Theature being haunted but one would not know how true the stories are. According to the patrons, one had said that the paintings would look at them with evil eyes.

"the African American poplulation"

The picture that is to accompany this entry will be added later, and this entry is one page split into two entries.

For now, it is important for you to see where most of his gothic stories came from and his friend base, the African American "population", and if that isn't enough to floor you, him reading "Beloved". Didn't know he was part of Oprah's reading club, did you?

Those that are wondering what it is about Illinois and the darker side of life -- Chicago and its collar counties that would be more particular since it has a history that would haunt the souls of the ones that would visit. The ideas behind the film The Dark City would mirror the city of Chicago well since it is a totally different city at night as would my ex would describe it. As I would stand here in this photo with a long time friend, she had asked me where I get the ideas for my writing. I told her that I take it from our hometown of Glendale Heights, Illinois. Which is in the dark pentagram that would encircle Chicago, Schamburg, Joliet, Glendale Heights, and Naperville. The cemeteries there would reflect the writings of J.M. Barlog, and of my own work. This would answer the question about my friend base, some of my most gothic stories came from the African American poplulation, the book Beloved is going to be on my reading list for my plane ride from O'Hare.

If one wants to write gothic in Illinois they would have to become accustomed to the stories that would go behind the collar counties -- for every gothic story that would sit within the walls of Chicago, the is a few that would stand alone in the city limits. As I would write my dark literatur and during periods when I would have writer's block. I would spend days at a time walking with my camera -- collecting ideas that would later bring to life in the written word. The written word, indeed can paint pictures that would haunt the nighmares of the soul. If one lives in Du Page county during the years of 1993 thru 1995, one would now know of the infamos rape that took place in the office of a gym teacher -- a teacher formerly named Richard Cruise, Fox WFLD, had immortalized this moment of scrutinity -- but that kind of scrutiny had invoked the imaginations of the darker side of life. When I started with my writing I in turn became a dark historian since the local history hides all the things that are left unwritten.

Rusty Nail was not the only one to report you to livejournal I did too. Does this verify we are the same person? Absolutely not. In fact for a short time I wondered if me reporting you had anything to do with it, but I see now it was multiple people. Not that I suffer from your ego and think it was all about me, I only know what I did and I did report you too. You'd be doing yourself a great disservice by assuming we are the same person because it means you are giving up figuring out my true identity. Maybe if I had talked to Rusty Nail or others in private I'd have known I wasn't the only one, but I haven't, so this like the book burnings, is just an example of people from all walks of life having the same disdain for you on their own.

The truth of the matter is that for them to have done that, again, it probably required a number of people reporting you.

You yourself for the past decade have said numerous times that you hated livejournal. All one has to do is scroll down my blog to see that. And you yourself admitted to the goth community a month or so ago that you realized you didn't belong in their group.

If you truly care for that community, you should be happy for them. The top of their page is all about you and now that you are gone, it can be about them again. But you don't care about them, as you yourself said recently, and this is all about you.

Happier Days

Aw. Nicky didn't just get kicked off of livejournal, again, and lose his precious goth community, his alts that he tried to sneak back on with, again, were also banned.

Let's go back to a happier time when he first got control of a group of people he'd later admit he had no business hanging out with. I'm talking about goths btw have to be specific since he really doesn't belong with any group of people. Or animals.

Friday, June 14th, 2002 11:52 pm
I am hoping I am not doing too much online because of the big undertaking -- one thing is this now, every move I make on livejournal is going to be watched so to speak especially since I became the janitor of sorts. It is going to be a challenge in the sense that I hope I don't end up with a mental block. But I have a feeling that me getting out next week will do me some good, I might go to nocturna next week but go to Jackhammer's within the week because I want to meet up with my former girlfriend from 1989-92. It is something I am looking forward to doing -- seeing her after all this time. I will be posting some on xanga too in time -- I will have some of my pictures there from time to time. I have a few new pictures that I had been playing around with with this camera. (lost the browser that I was trying to upload the picture on, so there goes neoplanet. I am surprised that I am able to keep this one open that I am writing this entry on.) But there are a lot of things on my mind and what I write here is not long enough to make a two page entry out of it -- though I will try to bring that into the xanga blog if I am inspired. I was looking over that and I will be doing the post about the aquiring of the goth community -- I still cannot get over the fact that I was the one who was picked to do it. Truely there will be the critics who are protesting the idea but for them to have that "holy shit" look in their eye -- I am not going to mention names when I say this but there are people here who know who I am talking about when I say that. I remember a certain person who told me not to change no matter what the naysayers say -- then when I emailed that person saying they should follow their own advice, they got pissed off because I called them on their hypocrisy. Someone who gives advice like that should follow on their own advice than become a hypocrite. Well on that note -- I had been keeping busy.

"I had a few saying I look like a really young Tony Iommi"

Someone in the comments section of the last post (after looking at Nicky's gangster "thug" picture) noted: "The stern expression, the well-trimmed facial hair, and the sunglasses give an Eric Bloom look."

That reminded me of something he said seven years ago and while it really fits nothing other than that, I for some reason have to share this. It involves someone telling him he looked like a young someone else.

20 Dec 2001|04:20pm
::just got home::
mood drained
music Amorphis -- Cares

I had just got in the door and very exhausted, I got the christmas shopping done for my cousins then I went and got something forAngel. I know she is not able to make up this year for Christmas for a new job -- my cousin who is on here is not going to be getting married this week and her mother is in town (I severed my ties to her mother though I used to be very close to her. Some of her choices caused me to grow apart from her, that is a long story -- those who know me from other places would understand why and they know I have a lot of convictions about it.) But never the less, I am home and getting caught up with my email before I would crawl beneath the shrouds for the day. I was going to post up in the xanga blog but right now I am just too tired to really do anything -- I was walking all day on Tuesday and stayed up long enough to go to Nocturna. (Some of you who would see a dude with the Writings From The Grave hoodie and got her to play Iommi.) Those of you who go to Nocturna and all of the sudden hear some Diamond Head -- that would be the Christmas present I got her. This would have the original version of "Am I Evil" on there. I was tempted to introduce Amorphis -- I am not sure of many there to could actually get into something that heavy. I had a few saying I look like a really young Tony Iommi, I find it amusing and a compliment because Iommi is a genuis. I think that was the first time she actually played something which roots directly to the one who started the entire dark subculture.

You decide.

"had a temptation to run with gang members" or "that contorted and freakish monster inside"

Nicky as a gang member? Well he did show up to a goth convention dressed as a "gangster".

And the picture that follows this sad piece? It's titled "GANGBANGER" although it was never explained why a creature with one giant eye and wings was called that.

This piece may explain to the poor person who had to tell Nicky his account was suspended why this person gave him such a homoerotic rant: "mentally I would never get well".

Thursday, January 24th, 2002
1:30 pm - we all die a little bit

where I am home with my unstable sanity. It is with this journal that I am staring at at times is the only thing from killing myself from time to time because we all die a little bit. Even when we sleep and begin to dream, we all die a little bit. As this would little torment play in the mind, pages that are written reflect the words and dreams which are the human drama -- so much can play out in the imagination and the sanity that would pay with the loss of it. I would only understand them over time as they are written in the pages of a journal that I can study at a later time when it comes time to write out a new peice or a narrative. The pictures so to speak as a conversation peice. In what is written here, that as I would look back from the period in the hospital I can only say that is what would be said from the time I was in the hospital is that even when I look healthy physically -- that mentally I would never get well. Even though I had always My thoughts are the very thing that keep me company at times since it is where in my mind is been spooked to death about hospitals, they had always had their settings in my writing for some way or another. In the words that I would try to find about the dreams as they are in the mind, the thoughts as they are -- the reminders of when we all die a little bit. Within the words of unstable sanity that it would come from the illness within as they stare back at me in the writings. When in the death of a century is when my sanity died with it -- that I stare at a future of going in and out of doctors and medications to keep my sanity intact. The question is where would I be without the writing habit, that would be something I don't want to think about because when I was younger; had a temptation to run with gang members where in the end would lead to the end of me. It had always came down to my mental health as one comes to die a little bit. In pages of journals and letters where they are written, the dreams that had aways been haunting me over time -- that it would come from the fundemental devotion that I had been taught when I was younger; the struggle between faith and madness had always been the fine line between the two. From this I would take from the memories were the graffetti and the spray painted taggings -- the harassment in the halls where it would come down to the battle of the mind. All the laughter inside that I would hear from in the dreams -- all of them looking back at me as it would appear that something was never right, the mental torture. In the emotions that are there -- violent and maleviolent in nature it was always there, but never acted upon them when I got older. But inside would always be that contorted and freakish monster inside which is written in the pages of the mind; pushing and prodding to come out to the open. When I started with the prose -- it was when all the wrath came out in the writing, all the years of mental torment and beatings of the mind would come out to the open. That it would be in the mind when it is written in the books of flesh and blood -- when no one wants to admit they are human beings, that when they would walk among the halls and say they are not human; getting off on the mental torment of those who are different than they are. From in the dreams that are there as when we all sleep -- the reminder of something following us saying we are all dying a little bit, that we are dead already and not see it. Among the insomnia, it would come among the impending thoughts of panic that would come as the next day is faced.

"Why livejournal can lick my sack?"

My guess would be that someone, anyone licking his sack is better than no one, which is sadly the case with Nicky. Anyway, we go back to May of 2001 to see him ranting about those that post on livejournal.

Note to members of the goth community there: Nicky thinks your too "clique-ish".

Monday, May 14, 2001
Why livejournal can lick my sack? Though I met a few cool people on there and I have them linked back on my website in the influences area, one of the ones that had blown my mind away would be one I had learned to be a darksites mate. She knows who she is and she can take a bow, I have two others from livejournal linked and those are the exception of livejournal. But the people that I would have to say where livejournal can lick my sack is the fact that many of them are too clique-ish -- they like to steal from other people, and give the writing community a bad name. It is the march of the mother fuckheads on there, and the biggest fuckhead of them all buying into and it is the owner of livejournal. I am on the verge of getting kicked off of there but if someone asked if I gave a shit -- my writings on there don't count for me, that would just be where I post my updates for the three sites, Writings From The Grave, Shadowed Thoughts, or Of A Darkend Soul. The Haunted Observations, well if people are on xanga -- they would know when I have that one done. But why livejournal can lick my sack is because they don't take writers seriously there; and when the actual writers are there -- the cliques try to fucking stomp all over their forehead and steal the written work. It is the ones who put all their work into livejournal and claiming it as a website when the rest of us (holla out who worked on websites for many years and those who use their sites to house their writings.) And for them thinking that I am below you -- kiss my ass and lick my sack. I guess he is a sorry excuse for a faggot and I do say faggot. Some one might take offense to this one but I have to say someone to be called that brought it on themselves here. So this is for those who have the actual sites -- keep up the good work, and if the ones cannot take the heat then get the motherfuck out of the kitchen because I would be one who is an equal oppertunity disser. I am not a racist, just someone who is very opinionated. I guess that they have worms crawling out of their ass right now, but that is what happens when their head is rammed up it so far. Where is their head today? I guess they have been walking around with their heads in their ass. So Brad if you are reading this, you know where you can shove livejournal -- and quit trying to look like the bomber of Oklahoma City. So that is why livejournal can lick my sack and all the griping babies like AngelDestiny who has an obsession with trying to get my ass kicked out of livejournal. All I have to say is that all of the crybabies are below me; and quit thinking that I am a second class citizen. I am better than that.

No, you're not.

But wait, there's more! More reasons livejournal can lick his sack!

Tuesday, May 15, 2001
Another reason why livejournal can lick my sack -- some of the paid members had made it their mission to make me denounce my writings. This fucker that is trying called himself cuddles. (what kind of name is that?) Each time that they try to make a victim out me on livejournal, I make fun of them on xanga. (xanga vs. livejournal, Round 2.) Look at the little fuck in the picture -- they say I am not a writer, yeah right. Livejournal cheapens their talent as a writer, and they are too dumb to realize it -- but don't get me wrong though, there are some talented writers on here and I met a few of them already. Their talent shows up in other weblogs. They're below me, and they can flame me all they want but I am just laughing at them. If Tom Green can fuck dead animals and rub his ass on things -- "my ass is on your lips, my ass is on your lips -- maybe if you're lucky that you can give it a big kiss." I flame livejournal idiots on xanga and Hilderbee and Cudles are in the idiot box right now. They cannot take the heat so they call the livejournal police on my ass, Brad, you can lick my sack because I am going to some fun with you on here at your expense -- bunch of a dead moose humpers, or dare I say it; one of the three taboo words and the one that I use is almost illegal to use in San Fransisco unless it is used in endearment (but it is used in Chicago and Detroit so loosely it is funnier than hell -- they call me a homophobic -- openly homophobic, ahh they must be heterphobic. I have no problems with them but as long as they don't make a pass at me because I find it sick when another man elopes with another man. Eminem if you are -- this is where we have many things in common. You know that you are not a woman hater, your an artist and expressing yourself with contraversal subject matter shows that you're making people think.)

And of course, Nicky didn't like that Brad was making money. Everyone makes money but him so what is the difference?

Tuesday, June 05, 2001
Well I got a few hate mails for my website, and they are dissing my livejournal -- that would not matter to me because that don't count. but those who think that livejournal is their website -- I am just sitting here right now because that loser Brad is getting rich off of them as I speak. They need som content other than bitching about a writer who they call second rate -- yeah right.

"more as a fuck you to Brad; the owner of livejournal."

He didn't just hate livejournal, he hated Brad the guy who supposedly started/ran it. Calling the owner of livejournal a "faggot" can't help his cause if he tries to get his journal back.

Tuesday, June 05, 2001
I was reading Insominia's livejournal, and have to post a rant about one to the topics there that wanted me to do this thing to begin with. This would have to start in the discussion board; that would be where the faggot Brad Fritz plays favorites (remember the rant about why livejournal can lick my sack and brain damage; this is the example about more brain damage.) And what Mark writes about these fucks are that they should cry a river to Rikki Lake, and in part I would have to agree with him -- then he says that they should go to diaryland; well I have to speak up on the behalf of the d-land users here, some of them are aol users -- but many of them have websites where they can load there pictures to and use them from there. There people with brain damage everywhere and I have to say that is an example of when I had host Shadow of Darkness. (Never let a man who is running on empty with sleep, rant and rave about something that he is all-to-familar with because of the-holier-than-thou-messeger-of-dog. I am cynical yes -- walked away because of cynicism. That not everyone in Christianity say they can have all the answers not even the bible has all the answers -- I don't either, I am just opening the door; one has to walk through it and take the blue pill. Sometimes I would get the Southern Baptist saying that I cannot be gothic and be a Christian -- so I asked him that how can he be conservative and be an asshole?)

We'll go back farther than this in future posts since he has earned a number of entries over here, and in doing so I'll show that the very reason he joined other blogs was to get away from and bitch at the owner of livejournal and just about everyone on it. But let's go a few months ahead after called Brad a faggot and see just how deep seeded his hatred for him and livejournal is.

Those of you who are reading this blog, I have done some new updates to Writings From The Grave -- been trying to do a mirror site and now that is the site that I am going to add more stories too, though I would be posting up more to the site, but the one that I have been doing a make over, which I have been doing some graphic changes to make it all part of one site now and made an announcement board. I also got a journal through deadjournal, well I had this thing since april but thought I would bring it back to life -- more as a fuck you to Brad; the owner of livejournal. The guys at deadjournal are great though they are not taking anymore applicants for new journals if they were I would be sending people there if they want a journal that is like livejournal, but I am also going to be sending them over to xanga as well as diaryland and diary-x. I have new writings on both journals there as well as a story on Writings From The Grave titled Weariness -- A Parable. I was taking cues from Trench's "If I Knew" and imagry which revisits the story Room For One More. (Yes I am a big fan of Anthrax and was listening the track when I wrote this one a year ago in August.) This one is one of the scarier stories that I had written about religion. I have been just getting darker each time that I write as far as being creative. I had posted "Another Jerk Off (Born Again Fuck Off)" here because it was one of the most contraversial poems I have ever written but it was something that needed to be written though. I was never for making people mentally comfortable when I write -- if I did that then I would of went soft. As well as doing the deadjournal I was doing a site which incorperated my livejournal; this being in form of the homepage I have at about.com.
I also have a colaboration in the works with another writer/ghost hunter from Waukegan, Illinois. I had got an email from him saying that he had read my journal, The Haunted Observations, and he was intrigued on working with me on finding that haunted campground in Lake County. I am just trying to find where it is first before I take up on the offer of working with him; which it would be during I am at JournalCon -- it is strange to meet another who is a ghost hunter in Illinois, I am trying to get a few female ghost hunters interested in finding this place so I would have something to go on when I start writing this peice. This is just a preparation before I post in my GothicPreacher blog.
The letter I got from him would be where I would post this. I am just trying to learn more about this person so I know who I am colaborating with. All of this would be since I had met that psychic artist in England when I was 14 years old. I had never thought that moment in my lifetime that I would be writing of that now. But still that was while I was in England; I will post more about my trip to england in another post when I could bring it all to the vivid memory.

More on this very very soon. :)

LOL Nicky Got Punked At Livejournal, AGAIN! or "I had this journal as a way to blast livejournal and will blast livejournal at any cost"

Sorry folks for the "hitatus" I am back and ready to go. I am playing catch up and see that he has broke a shitton of rules, so here I am.

I was going to do some posts on how he sucks at camping, but with all of this. Livejournal? Let's go back six years, and see what he thought of them then, shall we?

The "greeding hag" is Angel, the mom on the net he took a liking to and offered to give money, then demanded it back when he found out she was bi and not into him, I've gone over that numerous times. Anyway, on to the livejournal hating!

Tuesday, November 19, 2002

Some people cannot get a sense of humor of someone with the wit of a marine drill sargent. Where this fuck is asking me to delete the other post -- fuck that, it stays here. I had this journal as a way to blast livejournal and will blast livejournal at any cost, and found a way to blast melo as well because some little faggot named rick who keeps telling me to get a hair cut. I will pay someone $90 to piss on him in his sleep or better yet take a shit in his shoes send me a picture of when the deed is done. I am going to piss two fuckers off with one stone here, one fucker who decided to take it upon themselves to bully me here on xanga and they already did that on livejournal -- will the mister father fuckers please stand up so I can throw dog shit mixed with my piss at them. Fucks cannot see where someone is pollitically incorrect and they like to hug their trees -- I cannot help if I just marked my territory on them already; raise a leg and take a leak. That is exactly what I did when I joined xanga -- I was going to do this backlash to every motherfucker who did me wrong on livejournal. Including some greeding hag who still owes me money -- who could not afford to support her own kid so she has to turn a few tricks. For that matter the money I loaned her she was using to buy crack to shoot up her veins. She might be getting it on with a he-she for that matter -- fucking shims. This fucking shim liked to get its rocks off on making my life a living hell because I am one who appreciates a born female not one that was made by a doctor. The fucker who is making my life hell on melo and this fucking shim should get together and play buttdarts with each other. I would give them each a dollar and tell them to buy a sense of humor.

Damning, eh? Ever wondered his motives for maintaining the goth community? Well most of you are smart enough to know the answer to that, but lets read the comments left after this post to see the truth in writing.

I don't even know why you bother with LJ or Melo. It's nothing more than high school social politics. You need to leave the oppressive chains of journal communities behind my brother. :)
Posted 11/20/2002 9:26 AM by thetrenchcoat

Ready?

I run a community over there man -- I am trying to take a few with me when i am ready to leave. I got a few them checking out the site on my main place and found one who is just like we are dude. He is getting a site running on angelfire right now; just needs a little encouragement to make the next move. I basically poking their societies in the eyes with a stick.
Posted 11/23/2002 10:07 AM by Nickolaus

And a fortelling post!

Visit Nickolaus's Xanga Site!
sometimes I get a bitch ass punk following me over to xanga, don't know how they found this but one threated to have me shut down :-d
Posted 11/23/2002 10:19 AM by Nickolaus

You Aren't Learning

More innocents? They just happen to be women?

For your attack on yet another female author, an epic picture.

It's like many in his collection, and yet, completely different.

I give you: Facial hair-less Nicky Sleeping In A Hammock!

"Christianity didn't have all the answers -- this had led me into becoming a pagan."

Innocents attacked, ETT strikes back. Simple formula. (This one is a long one folks and I'm sorry.)

Nicky is playing the part of a Christian again, specifically harrassing innocents and claimed they are prejeduce against Christians.

Alright then lets go back, again, and expose this hypocrite. This one is long but chock full of tardo goodness.

It will expose him, again as I have done numerous times before, as a hypocrite politically and religiously. (Why he has a picture of Ted Bundy in this piece I do not know.)

A note to the Christians: This narrative is the dark side of my Xtian Testamony. It will contian dark subject matter because I make reference to how I got the ideas for the stories of dark horror fiction and macabre gothic essays. I am asking those from Mason City, Iowa and Hampton, Iowa, not to take offense to what is written in the following narrative because I am not from your innocent hometown. In fact, I don't give a FUCK what you think over there. North Iowa is just not ready for gothic macabre literature. No one is going put a hole the size of a .22 pistol shot in your motherfucking head that you can see thru and making you come to this site. For the goth visitors, after your done reading this, click the links to take a look at some of my other horror tales and other dark writings. This is for Dragongoddess26 and her husband because they had never got to know the internet outlaw behind Writings From The Grave up close and personal, that is why I wrote A Life In Black. I took the title for this peice after the title of a song from one my favorite bands, Fight, because their lyrics say it all about the dark subculture.

credits: Order of appearence
Hampton, Iowa (Melany **)
Joliet, Ill. (Michael Pacione)
Normal, Ill. (Richie Hritz and Lisa Little)

What an opening! Don't worry it'll get better.

About the author:
A Life in Black

"without you, everything falls apart" ....Perfect Drug, Nine Inch Nails

For many years and the entire time that I had been a horror writer, I had been curious toward the bizarre for as long as I can remember. Perhaps that is what made me want to write in the first place. The first horror book that I had read in my personal library was titled Walls of Fear and at the age of thirteen, I had read the Stephen King novel, Christine while I was going to Marquardt Middle School.

Then at the time, I had not developed the writing ability that would give one the notary that is compared the immortal Howard Phillips Lovecraft and the author of Psycho, Robert Bloch. But as I go on, it wasn't just the writings of Bloch, Lovecraft and others, I was drawn by the psychic investegators and artists that have ties to the other side. Before I was exposed to the dark world of horror literature, I had watched many horror films though none has made such impact on my creativity as the films Se7en, H.P. Lovecraft's The Re-Aminater, and Black Sabbath along with the influence heavy metal bands Black Sabbath, Testament, and Metallica since they made reference to stories that were written by H.P. Lovecraft. Horror fiction and dark metal are a perfect marriage because they compliment each other.

I was also drawn by the violent enviroments of my hometown, Glendale Heights, Illinois, and Addison, which was the next town over. In 1993, a 27 year old woman disappeared from my neighborhood, and about a week later the police had found her disfigured remains -- she had been shot five times in the back and head then the murderer had set the body on fire to get rid of the tracks. I had been frightened by this at the time, which I was sixteen and had known that Glendale Heights had a history of gang related violence. Not only the gang violence that created a dark atmosphere to my hometown, I had later learned that Du Page County had always been a hub for acts of black magick and Satanism. As a result from a conversation with a longtime friend of mine, I had been write the essay, Unspoken Nightmares reflecting the dark, dingy envoriment of the place where I grew up -- true the place might be well to do, but there were horrific crimes that happened there which are uglier than the scenes from the horror film, Se7en.

The crimes that would happen are as grisly in the details as in a mother of four had been stabbed 89 times and her baby had been ripped out of her womb while she was still bleeding to death. Then I had seen a dead body that was dragged under a freight train in Illinois' Christian Capitol, Wheaton. This had caught most of Wheaton off guard, and as a result, I had gone to Iowa for that weekend to get that horrid scene out of my head. It is one of those things that cannot leave one's mind as the grisly murder that took place in Addison -- it was almost in the same fashion as Sharon Tate, and four others almost 30 years ago.

Now, let's get to that Christianity he has gone back to hiding behind.

In 1994, I had tried the path of Christianity, but in that path, and when I was attending a church -- I proceeded to have visions of a morbid and in some ways that I describe them, gothic in their nature. I would sit there in a church service, and would begin to imagine a pastor giving the sermon; we would be dressed in a suit, but wouldn't have any skin on him or someone having a stigmata. A stigmata is a supernatural bleeding at the hands, feet, head and chest -- similar to were the Christ was impaled with the nails. Despite of the teachings of Christianity, I had found myself being dianosed with a mental illness. In 1995, I had discovered that I had a learning disability, and that short lived a promising career in the military. During the time that I was dianosed with Attention Deffecit Hyperactivity Disorder, I was put on a medication for that condition, but as time went on, the side effects had resulted into thoughts that were almost psychotic in nature.

During this time, I had been keeping a diary -- I had used a composition book as the diary for close to two years, the years of 1995 through 1997. One night while I was out for a night, one of my cousins had found that diary and said that I should become a writer -- she had said that I would become a talented horror writer, my first reaction was, "Amie, you're shitting me? Right." I had tried my hand first at writing poetry -- it resulted first as preachy Christian-themed poems, but as I continued writing poetry, my poetry became dark and almost would paint the pictures of another holocaust. Another friend that would take a liking to my writing was a former classmate, one that became a born again Christian the night before I shipped off to Great Lakes Navel Training Center, Recruit Training Center.

While I was working as a personal assistant, I had my first exposure to a psychological vampire. But then again, I was no stranger to the practices of Satanism and the occult which I will describe later on where a person had done a tarot reading on me. It was during the time that I was practicing Christianity, but even while I was Christian I have been writing horror fiction and dark poetry. I had been drawn closer to supernatural because at the age of 14, I had sat in a session with a psychic artist that I had seen on Unsolved Mysteries and while I got my first job at a flea market in Glendale Heights, I had learned that town had its own fortune teller, Miss Linda. I had picked up on the interest of vampyre myths and werewolves while going on a camping trip to Wisconsin with a boy scout troop out of Bloomingdale, Illinois.

It was while I was laying down in a bed on a motorhome, I had found a library book about the truth to vampyres and werewolves on the floor of the camper. My peers were thinking that I was a bit on the eccentric side because I had spent an hour and a half reading that book cover to cover, to this day I cannot remember the title of that book, but it was there I started to pick up on my dark imagination which later became disturbing as I had written my first short story. That was back in the early spring of 1989, and now 10 years later, that book had became the inspiration for writing Bloodletting. While I was still a Christian, I had tried to surpress this, but it slowly came out like a shadow in a cemetery.

This would later invoke the photography of a woman (later then it would be my cousin) that I had later met in 2 months after my 21st birthday, and while I was in a chatroom, I would pick up on stories that were told from their nightmarish dreams. I had read of macabre and bizarre crimes that would range from church burnings to Manson Family like murders, such as the one that had happened in Addison, Illinois, on the April of 1995. While researching for my material, I began to cut out these articles and made it into a hobby -- my mother thought that I was sick because I was collecting such articles, and one of my correspondents, Sylie Bonneau, of Ottawa, Ontario, had learned of this hobby and thought that was I was doing was quite grim. [The photo on the top would be taken by her, and the one on the top left would be taken by my cousin. My peers would later call the pic on the left the Blair Witch picture.]

When it was Halloween weekend of 1996, I had gone to White's Cemtery with a group of friends -- they dragged me to the place after reading one of the first short story that I wrote as a teenager, 19 years old, and I was taking a writing class. This is one of the short stories that I made an attempt at writing then I would resurrect now as A Cemetery Dream. I wrote this one as I would return to Mason City, Iowa, from a trip to Winnona, Minnesota. Winnona was home of a ghost story that would paint their town black -- this was the ground work for a journal that I wrote about 2 days before I had gone down to Winnona, Minnesota, then posted it on my homepage then titling it Saint Mary's. I would also write of a local story that later frightened Mason City, this would be the kidnapping of Jody Husentruit

. The first story was titled Anchorwoman -- A Journal with the help of my former landlord who also owned a pet shop. She was the one that gave me a pet that I would become very attached to, a 15 inch albino rat that I named Talbot.

This story invoked an email dialoge by one that was also drawn by the Jody Husentruit kidnapping, this person is a psychic based out of Kewanee, Illinois. I did not meet her while I was living in Iowa, but after I had returned to Illinois -- to the Joliet area. Out of some of this philosophical dialogue, I had written another version of that nightmare that I had of Jody Husentruit -- this one I titled Ghostly Being. What started the dialogue between us was that she was intrigued by the gothic dream that I had of Husentruit.

Something of that nature being written while I had still lived in Iowa would invoke a witch hunt because I was an outsider writing of one of their own. Because I was different, while they would allow their world to revolve around high school sporting events -- I had been shunned because I considered myself a thinking man, an intellectual. In a place like rural Iowa, I would been a target of a conservative lynching or a witch hunt. This had became the reoccurring nightmare while I lived in Mason City, Iowa, and while I was staying in Iowa City for 2 weeks; I had written a speculative journal titled Inquisition--A Narrative as a result of an undereduacated youth pastor blaming a serious assault that I survived as a result of not being churched. Inquistion was my way of saying that he can shut the fuck up -- I never said it aloud, but I said it with my writing. It was about month earlier that the woman that I met on the internet gave birth to my young **, **.

The state of Iowa had used my lifestyle as a target to burn me at the stake so to speak. They were out for a witch hunt after the Columbine killings had taken place, about the same day that they took him into foster care -- about a year later had became a nightmare that I couldn't wake up from. During the time that Michael was taken into state custody -- the woman and I began to fall apart; my emotional state was also falling apart. About this time my friend, Pat Grady was a target of a witch hunt because of his handle being known as TheTrenchcoat. While that was happening to him, I was also trying to keep a low profile with the help of a Lutheran Pastor, who I consider to be the closest thing I had to a best friend in Iowa. Though I had someone that I was able to talk to, I felt that while I started to fall apart I was feeling desperate -- one that would try to kill themself one way or another. I began wondering where my friend, Barb Mitchell, when I needed to talk to her -- wishing that I was able to talk to her then. I saying to myself, "God is this your idea of sick joke carcass fucker, taking my son away and turning my woman against me -- Fuck you and go to hell."

I later checked myself into the mental health unit because I had a severe nervous breakdown. It was the first time I had to do something of that nature, I knew that there was something which hadn't been right. While I was in the hospital, I felt alone -- alone with my thoughts. As I fell asleep that night, I began to have a dream about when I attended a Halloween party, Halloween Night 1997, which I spent the night at the house of the hostess, that I was at in Naperville. I began to remember when I had met a coven that was out of Naperville, I remembered a deep philosophical discussion that I had with one of them. She was dressed all in black -- a velvet gown and a nylon cape that had a dark shine when the full moon reflected it.

It was the experience in the hospital and a discussion that I had with a prison inmate that was taken to the hospital. He said that he was a Christian, but I told him that I thought that Christianity didn't have all the answers -- this had led me into becoming a pagan. Something that had been a part of me since I was a teenager, but it had been long repressed in my mind. After returning to Illinois, that part of me began to surface and with full force. That is what drove me to writing Haunting The Chapel as well as the uncompromising vampyre short story, Death Row, and I would not hold anything back -- nothing is ever ordained, born again, godless.

While I was in the hospital, in recreational therapy there other patients were making things with wood and leather, I had asked them were they kept the paper. The paper they had was newsprint, I thought that I would do some drawing -- the nurse was scratching her head to what I was drawing. I started with a steeple of a church, a cathedral. This was half was done in pencil -- went to find a facial tissue for shading purposes, this drawing is what became my forth drawing that started to line up up with my writing. The nurse's were thinking, "Oh my --- God, that picture is really dark. Can you do anything beautiful or lovely." I said, "It is all in the eye of the beholder." It was a few hours later that I met up with a doctor one on one, he was really curious to how I thought and of my morbid intrest of true crime and horror. The night before my release from the mental health unit, I was watching a show on Arts and Entertainment Network about corruption in the New Orleans Police Department. They were describing how the police would receive pay offs from major drug cartels, and would come up with bullshit charges then they would murder an innocent person, a teenager. Something happened on those lines recently in Chicago.

But the nurse that was in the room could not understand why I would watch a show that horrific in nature. (She should sit down and watch Mugshots on Court TV when they would do a show about the Son of Sam, Jeffory Dahmer, Richard Ramerez, or Ted Bundy. She should of read the paper for March 13, 2000, Chicago Tribune.) From the time that I had faced cruel torment as a child, to the persecution that I faced as an adult in Iowa because I was from Chicago, Illinois, the torment hadn't killed me -- it just made me darker as a gothic writer

Did you get all that? Sorry folks there is an epilogue to this one, hilarious as always especially the line "I just don't like your closed minded mentalities and how one would openly discriminate someone because of the way a person chooses to express themself"

If you have any comments about my bio, Life In Black, or you wish to discuss more about the Jody Husentruit story, you can email me at the following email addresses posted below. Ghostly Being actually is based on a dream that I had about the missing anchorwoman. Don't anyone from Mason City, Iowa, take offense to what I am writing or of my writings, I just don't like your closed minded mentalities and how one would openly discriminate someone because of the way a person chooses to express themself, writing is an art form just as music, painting, ice carving, and drawing. If any Christians are out there whining about my web site being too dark, they can shove those whiny comments sideways up their fat ass. In other words, you don't have to be here and ruin it for other patrons that take my site for what it is, all I am is an idealist. I used to oppose what Marylin Manson does, but I can see his point about you mother fucking small town Xtians. As you come to visit my homepage, I do expect one to have an open mind because it does contain mature suject matter and has many occultic referrences.

He has never had an open mind. Open ass, maybe. Open mouth, always.

"someone who is relatively my size as a reference where to shake at"

Thank you again anonymous tipster!

If you actually read this site, you'll know that Nicky has a passion for taking pictures of himself sleeping. He isn't over this, since you can go to his vampitefreaks.com profile and see that he had one taken very recently. Sometimes relatives take them at his request, sometimes total strangers.

But at this point, after his success with his gothy calenders, Nicky now wanted pictures with two of him!

Oct.08.2002 08:33:33pm pst

It is safe to now say that I am no longer low key; I had no idea what kind of impact I was going to created with my website. I have a few of the actual calendars to go around -- I passed out about six of these to the doctor I go see for my mind and the office has them up around there which I think is a total shock but really cool though. I am the only webmaster featured which have three websites listed for me, I thank the crew at Gothic Chicago.com for designing these and they did a hell of a good job with them -- how they managed to get the one of me where it is fused with one of my photographs is something I was wondering for some time and asking if they could make a few posters from that one so I can give them to my cousin and to frame one with the signed calendar. (I signed this with a red pen, 13 in red pen and one in black ink.)
����Three people from livejournal will have them -- two of them got theirs the other day, I have a feeling that is going to make a conversation piece in their office and studio since one of them is a photographer. She offered to do my pictures when she is in Chicago. The concept pictures would be a bit on the cinematic because trying to do a concept picture where I am asleep on the couch and I am standing over myself trying to wake up me up. It is based on two pieces on my diary-x journal -- she could actually see this in her mind. Since she was looking over the other journal and I am a very visual person as a photographer it might work. One of the pictures would have to be done after I am asleep though for the effect of the full pic then have someone who is relatively my size as a reference where to shake at -- more than likely it would be in the arms that I would be nudging. One of the pictures in the background was taken during the Goth Con sendoff/Kidney Thieves CD give-a-way, and I had a camera with me so it was an improv photo shoot on my part. That picture turned out to be a fave with the crew at Gothic Chicago so they are using it -- it was one where I was more awake than their photo night a year earlier.

"In the states they have an amendment which is the right to bare arms"

This is from the goth page over at lj before he completely turned it into a venue for his own shit and admitted he wasn't really a goth.

This took place after the sniper killings in Maryland. At first Nicky informs us he is a gun owner, forgetting at the begining of the thread he started that he said he wished he had one. Why can't Nicky hold a job in law enforcement? If you didn't know the answer to that already, you will when you are done reading this!


Read Comments

Poison Godmachine (nickolaus) wrote in goth, @ 2002-10-07 17:51:00

Current mood:

distressed

I was wondering what some of your thoughts on the senseless shooting that happened to a 13 year boy, just getting ready to go to school and he takes two to the chest. This shooter shot 6 people already and the pool is this -- do you think he is another terrorist? It is basically a nightmare becoming true because western Maryland is under lockdown -- those of you who live there is what I ask is that each of you to be safe. It is hellish as it is there and with that fucking sniper out there, I'd love to slit that motherfuckers throat personally and have his veins pulled out by means of a semi truck. This person is now shooting children -- someone please stick a shotgun up his ass then one in his mouth and pull the trigger for me at the same time. That would blow his stomach and his head away for sure.

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(Post a new comment)

manocheese 2002-10-07 17:01 (link)

I've been thinking about it a lot. I live in the UK and really don't understand how people can value their sport over peoples lives. You mentioned you suspected the guy was ex-army or something, surely anyone who wants t o can buy a gun, learn to fire it and then walk out into the street and kill a bunch of people? Unfortunately a ban on guns will probably never happen, people either don't realise or don't care that if you ban guns less people will die. People want guns for personal protection, they wouldn't need them if there weren't guns. People have guns over here but they get them from places like America and Germany. I'm kinda busy, maybe I'll write more if people respond to this. (Reply to this) (Thread)

nickolaus 2002-10-07 18:21 (link)

In the states they have an amendment which is the right to bare arms, and that is the right to own a gun. In times like this makes me wish I personally carry around a sidearm, my uncle hunts and in the house are enough guns to arm a small militia. The reason I suspect the ex-military theory because of the range that he was aiming from when the boy was hit -- shoots like someone who was in special forces. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

anhedonic_ 2002-10-07 17:54 (link)

I don't think a ban would help much. Because people (dangerous or not) would just find another dangerous weapon to use. Yeah it may not be as bad as a gun would but still it would prove it's cause none the less. Yeah it sucks that someone is offing people off in a state. It's inhuman and wrong but still things like this happen everyday day in day out. He just hasn't been caught yet. Things like this make me glad that I don't own a tv anymore. (Reply to this) (Thread)

	manocheese 2002-10-07 18:22 (link)
	Think about it carefully, banning guns would stop a lot of people being killed. A guns range, accuracy and damage far outweighs most other deadly weapons, this sniper is a prime example of this. Think about the school shootings, how far would someone get with a knife? (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

nickolaus 2002-10-07 18:32 (link)

In London, a city where police don't carry guns and the criminals have high power assault rifles. Here in the states the cops are equally armed with M-16s -- they need them because of a sniper like this. A well placed bullet between the eyes of that gun-toting animal, gives the rest of us gun-owners and family of gun-owners a bad name -- not a canned hunt here but killing the sniper here is to end the innocent killings. Everything is under lockdown in Maryland. I keep thinking something like that happening in Chicago -- it is a frightening picture because how crowded Chicago is, and this is Suburban Washington, D.C. Places like D.C. and Chicago, need the guns and arm themselves to the teeth just to protect its people, its family. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Re: manocheese 2002-10-07 19:04 (link)
	Criminalsget their weapons from America and Germany. Very few police are shot, we have armed response units. If people didn't sell guns to anyone who wants one a whole lot less people would get shot, end of story, people obviously value their guns more than other people lives tho. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Re: anhedonic_ 2002-10-07 18:38 (link)
	Yeah but then they'd go to explosives which would kill more. You could just as easily kill someone with a bow and arrow as you could with a gun and it would be very silent at that. I see your point though. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

Re: manocheese 2002-10-07 18:46 (link)

Bows and arrows are just as easy to getbut far harder to conseal, explosives would mean the person would not get to see the things that want to see when then kill. People use these when they are better for the occasion already, I doubt either, nor anything else for that matter could directly replace guns. Some things would be used to compensate and guns would still be used, their use would be greatly reduced. Say it only saved one life, compared to the thousands it could save, would you value the sport of shooting over that persons life? (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	nickolaus 2002-10-07 18:49 (link)
	This sniper made himself quarry for what he did, hunter now turns into prey. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

Re: anhedonic_ 2002-10-07 18:51 (link)

Not really. (I live in Alabama a big redneck lets all go hunting type of town here) and I've seen small bows, ones that would collapse to where they could easily fit into a back pack and so forth. I do agree with them wanting to see someone die and gain what they wanted however. It's just most people don't think "Hey I can blow them up instead of shooting them." And I seriously think there would be more people die if guns were banned. I seriously hate guns so I wouldn't mind to see them abolised from human existance. It's just people would still find a way. Where there is a will there is a way. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Re: manocheese 2002-10-07 19:10 (link)
	People will still find a way, it will just be harder. If someone decides "I'm gonna kill a bunch of people" then they will, guns or not. It's people who use guns to rob people and carry them during robberies that wouldn't use bows or explosives, that's where the real difference lies and where the numbers are. There are far more robbers than serial killers. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	nickolaus 2002-10-07 21:48 (link)
	Just look at what happened to our nation on 9/11/2001, then the bombing in Oklahoma City in 1995 and to Littleton in 1999. The ones who did all of that shit are cockroaches. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	manocheese 2002-10-07 22:10 (link)
	They are Evil and should get away with what they have done. However, what they have done is kill for what they believe in, if you are willing to do they same you then you are stooping to the same idea. Obviously there is a huge difference but the principle is the same. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

nickolaus 2002-10-07 18:26 (link)

It makes me wish I had a gun and hunt down the bastard myself. My best friend told me that I would make a hell of a bail enforcer because of the mental toughness -- the thought ran past my mind but with my mental illness, I could never hold a position in law enforcement. Someone needs to hunt this animal that he is with a crossbow with explosive arrows. I know I am sounding a bit sick right now but someone who shoots a kid for no reason at all, needs to be hunted down like the animal they are. He is not human if he does something like that; it is disturbing that someone did that -- and I am going in my mind, "damn, that is beyond fucked up." (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	manocheese 2002-10-07 18:37 (link)
	It's a willingness to use violence and even take anothers life, for whatever reason, that is the problem with the society. Obviously killing kids in cold blood is far worse than what you're suggesting but do you think killing him is the right response? Think about how easy you would find it to kill him and where would you draw the line? (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

nickolaus 2002-10-07 18:47 (link)

In this case, killing the sniper is in the name of justice. He would hurt more kids or anyone else for that matter if they don't catch him -- basically right now all bets are off with this fucker now because he killed six and injured this kid critically then leaving an entire state in a widespread panic. Especially during a time of war; basically this person must really have something wrong with him and the reason so many want this bastard dead is that the monster took out a defenseless kid right in front of his aunt. If that is not a reason to kill the motherfucker, what is a better reason than any. This is what they call street justice -- and if anyone has a good reason to kill that sniper it would be the aunt. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

manocheese 2002-10-07 18:57 (link)

lol, justice? The word you mean to use is revenge, plain and simple. Justice is not "Eye for an eye", we should have grown out of that, as a species, a long time ago. I hear things all the time about "the principals on which America was founded" and about the constitution. The USofA, not America, was founded on the idea that the immagrants, who there were more of, deserved the land more than the natives and that black people made good slaves. Some of that changed whn people reaslised it was wrong, but they didn't change everything. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	nickolaus 2002-10-09 11:22 (link)
	I have to link up the other thread that this had started and there is a twist in this already fucked up mass murder plot. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

antisocialpoet 2002-10-09 08:48 (link)

i have two major comments first a gun ban would never work b/c it is already illegal to shoot someone so if your going to do it i dont think it would matter much weither or not u are allowed to own a gun and just like drugs so long as someone wants one someone will be selling them second in my opinion the shooter (and really any criminal) has to be one of three things he must be crazy in the sense that he doesnt understand what he is doing he must have a motive meaning that he has some reason that he killed these people something linking them to him in his past present or possibly future he must be a terrorist now i dont mean arab when i say terrorist a terrorist is not despite popular damand necisarrily an out side threat it is just a person who does things (not nesicarily killings) to strike terror in to the hearts of others he could very well be an ex-ranger who has decided that america needs to be more internally safe and his way of garanteeing this is to reign terror down until the cops come up with a way to stop him these are my opinions i suspect some one will have something to say and ill respond to that seeing as i have lost my train of thought (Reply to this) (Thread)

nickolaus 2002-10-09 09:03 (link)

You came up with that theory too I take it -- the possible ex-marine or ex-ranger. I am in agreement with you about people owning guns -- my uncle is a hunter and has enough rifles to arm a small militia. So my theories on this where he is in it for the thrill of the hunt -- sick individual where he gets a hard on by shooting innocent people. The marksmanship of this sniper is where I came up with the ex-military -- I knew that I'd get a strong thread with something like this because I am the type who studies current events; and someone might say it is unrelated -- but I think it is because there is an exploration of morbid curiousity. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

Re: antisocialpoet 2002-10-09 09:49 (link)

i totally agree i dont really feel that it could be anyone other than an ex-special ops or sniper (although the cops do have some pretty good sharp shooters) the main reason i suspect military is due to the closeness of the killings to washington dc i would assume that the president wets himself everytime there is a loud noise knowing a sniper is one county over and is pick people off from quite a distance with little to no dificulty i dont think that a cop (unless they happen to live around there) would be able to leave there job to do this a special ops military man could easily be stationed around there and could have been transfered there at his request cops dont have this freedom so i expect that it is much more likely military and as much as i hate the nra (b/c of politics) as they say "guns dont kill people, people kill people" (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	nickolaus 2002-10-09 11:19 (link)
	Here is a darker turn -- he used a tarot card to taunt the police, and the letter he wrote to the letter saying, "I am God." Can you say how fucked up that is -- it is almost out of something that could be in the show Millennium. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Re: antisocialpoet 2002-10-09 17:54 (link)
	ive never seen that show but that is awful fucked up (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

nickolaus 2002-10-10 00:54 (link)

It was a darker show created by Chris Carter -- some of the themes that are dealt with in there are some of the things you are seeing now. The themes which are there being within fear, worry, and who cares -- the horror before the hope. Where it is the darkest before the dawn. It is only going to get worst before it gets better -- some of the themes take from Nosterdamus, The Book Of Revelation, and other themes which have a lot of horror to them. And where I saw the reference being that of a blasphemous nature where the sniper sends this note to the police, I basically tagged this sniper the "I am God" sniper. It is beyond evil, this person is a demon in flesh. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Re: antisocialpoet 2002-10-10 05:27 (link)
	im an atheist so i really think he is just a huge fucking asshole that needs to die but the show sounds kool (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

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Quick! He got a hold of a gun! Protect yourself!

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