Nicky And Diners or "I will personally present the prize signed and personalized in front of you"

His idea of partying on New Years is to have coffee in a diner.
He once envisioned his ex and ex-roommate having coffee in a diner talking with each other.
Has an upcoming story called "Dream Diner"
Wants his latest titles to be the kind of books one could read in a diner.

Now THIS (thanks to Rusty for the heads up)

What Scares You Contest

"This is a little contest I am going to hold for The Ethereal Gazette, and as some people know this issue is a local author edition part two. I am looking for one or two people to scare what scares them in about 1800 to 4400 words – scare me with it. Write about the thing that scares you and do it in a way that makes it read like something Rod Serling could have written if he was still alive."

If he were still alive he'd put your eye out with one of his lit cigs for dropping his name so much.

"You must between 17 to 39 years of age to take part in this one, and be detailed with the story – it won't be a lead story in the magazine but it will be one that will be the interlude between the short stories to the novella length works."

17? Still? I thought you swore off preying on the young, Nicky? Why did you drop the age limit after swearing you'd never work with another teen ever again? I wasn't crazy about your 17 year old girlfriend when you were in your 20's and in the Navy, Nicky, but at this point it's beyond creepy.

From here on out it gets downright creepy, because he seems more focused on 17 year olds than diners, which is saying a lot.

"There will be two winners picked but one will be getting a signed book from me, former classmates will be getting Darkened Horizons: Issue 3 while others will get An Eye In Shadows signed. Winners must include their photograph seated in a diner late at night so it goes with the entry unless they're 17 years old. You must be in the state of Illinois to be part of this contest.

Winners that are 17 years of age don't have to do the diner photo because of the curfew laws. There will be payment for the contest entry so you must be old enough to own a paypal account. The 17 year old winners will have their account upgraded to premium, plus a signed copy of Darkened Horizons: Issue 3."

*shutter*

"I won't allow alternative romance so don't even try it with The Ethereal Gazette because I don't want to lose the library distribution. I don't have support from Ralan.com anymore because of the rival magazine, GUD, is running the site."

Oh, I wouldn't worry about that causing you to lose your "library distribution". That'll come from other sources.

"So I have to be creative in getting a line up – the previous issues are on lulu.com if you want to see what I've published previously."

By creative, he means giving people great reviews then asking them to sub to his projects. Seriously.

"I will not consider any kind of erotica so don't even try it with me"

You already said that.

"-- think more Rod Serling,

You already said that too.

"Richard Matheson, Edgar Allan Poe, Stephen King, or H.P. Lovecraft and you're halfway there.

I am not thinking vampires, zombies, or serial killers here. Take me to the very depths of what scares you, scare me with it. If you can illustrate your entry, that is a plus too if the entry is 1800 words."

Considering someone once shattered your psyche and gave you nightmares for years by mearly suggesting you may need brain surgery, I don't think that will be hard for the prospective 17 year olds to scare you.

"I am expecting a full range of creativity with this, and I will allow Christians to take part in this – more than encourage, I actually welcome it with open arms. If you actually watched someone die by their own hand, don't let that tear away at you – use this contest as the vehicle to express it. Musically pick up some doom metal to help you with the buildups."

What in the holy fuck???

"Quote:

Submissions: etherealgazette@gmail.com (.doc, .rtf, .odt, or .wps) Word Count: 1800 to 4400 words Over 18 submitters: Include Photo at a diner late at night. Please include offline contact information such as a physical mailing address so when I chose the winner – I can send them the prize. All Submissions For The Contest Must Be In By June 20, 2010. If you're from Chicago -- I will personally present the prize signed and personalized in front of you. I publish with Lulu.com with the magazine and with the book."

Nicky wants to meet you in person! The winner should feel honored, since the only people he personally hands his books to are usually in bands. Be prepared for him to ask you for some swag in return.

"I am seeking horror, messed up true dark stories (stories from the third shift -- yeah I am talking to you gas station workers here; I can't say exactly what I want to say here but if you read the magazine you will know the word I am looking for,) Christian Testimonies which can read like a Gothic Horror story, and true paranormal accounts."

Christian Gas Station Attendant/Ghost Hunter Working Graveyard . Got it.

"My magazine is a cross between Gothic Beauty, The Mick, Old School Weird Tales, and Twilight Zone Magazine. I published a testimony by Daniel Willow (I knew the guy for 20 plus years but I had no idea he had been caught up with a certain lifestyle.)"

And he had no idea about Nicky's "certain lifestyle".

"Once in a while I will give a heavy metal band a nod or two -- sometimes I will invite members of a band to write a scary story to see if they can scare the living daylights out of me. This magazine is a little R-Rated because of the language.

No, you invite a band to your home for sleepovers and offer to tuck them in at night. Seriously Nicky you really need to have your rock star groupie obsession addressed.

Example of required photograph

Thanks to my photoshop guru for enhancing this!