"rock bottum"

I could have sworn I posted this already, but I can't find it in the archives of this site.

Anyway, this is from a very very old site that hass long since been deleted. It was created as a basic homepage for people ("single ladies", his mother) to get to know him without being scared off by his normal dark gothy crap or as he says, "my other homepages that I run are a little too shocking for some of my visitors".

Well hello again and welcome to my normal homepage. I know that I am getting a lot of people visiting me and my other homepages that I run are a little too shocking for some of my visitors. This is why I am writing up this homepage so the single ladies can get to know me better.

I am a 23 year old male from Du Page county, and I now reside in the Joliet area. I am suffering from mental health problems and I am trying to express that through a creative outlet. This outlet for me is writing horror fiction and dark poetry. I am writing this page so I don't scare my own mother with my other homepage, and she asked me when am I going to grow out of the horror writing. This is something that will always be a part of me and so is keeping rodents as pets. Some kids have a dog or a cat, maybe a bird.

But my choice of pets are rats and lizards. I had an Anole Chameleon, and I had a 13 inch rat that was given to me as a get well present from my former landlord after she found out that I was in the hospital for an accidental overdose of my medications that I have been taking for clinical Depression.

Clinical Depression -- those of you that may ask is a disorder that messes with your brain. Some days one has a lot of energy and others there will times that one would have an increased need to sleep. I didn't know that I had this until I went into the hospital because of a nervous breakdown, I was a devote Christian at the time that I was having a nervous breakdown. But as I had gone in the psych unit in Mason City, Iowa, I felt like I wanted to hurt someone else. I saw the signs of depression in my former girlfriend that I dated two years, but when I was showing the signs of a mental illness, I had no idea how to tell a pastor if they would listen to me. I thought this because of the things that they were taught about mental illness being not an illness that needed to be treated as the flu or a cold.

But still as I went into a church I had no idea that I was starting to breakdown. I had never cried at a funeral or a wedding, but there was something a former classmate had said to that if I don't cry, I would be messed up later in my years. This was true when I found myself homeless in the February of 1998, I felt that I hit "rock bottum." I wanted to end it all right there right there -- I was wanting to kill myself by jumping in the Winnabego River. It was cold and the water would let me freeze to death.

One of my family members had found out about this and wired me the money for a ticket. I remember that day as my darkest hour, as well as the state of Iowa taking away my young * and placing * in foster care. It is things like that which make me think about my own mortality -- especially since when I am young. I may be 23 years old, but my mind might be at least 33 years old when I am writing. When one loses close to everthing, one thinks about things that are deep in nature -- such as life and their beliefs. There are more to life and money, Mental Health is the one thing that kills more people than cancer. I say this because I am a walking example of a person that has clinical depression.