Making fun of other's health? Let's delve into yours, shall we?
Everything from a bad back and carpal tunnel to sleep disorders are in this entry, and his health will only get worse. Good thing he's hopped up on drugs to deal with his misery.
Glad to see you finally arranged to start going back to a doctor, let's hope he sees you for the psychopath you are and gets you back into therapy.
October 23rd, 2002Miss your parajournal site? I don't; I saved every damn page. Every one. When I want to see your parajournal page I need only open a particular folder on my hard drive. Too bad you never did.
2:58 am - sleep;;;;;
How much is one willing to pay to get some sleep -- that is a question that is always asked in the mind as I would stare at the older entries that I wrote in a journal I had printed out from parajournal before it closed its doors. This is often asked when I am travelling because when I go to visit Sarah at Nocturna, I would almost be dead tired at times because of the hours I have to live so I can catch the bus out to Joliet. So I find myself dosing off on bus going from Morris to Joliet -- usually out when the drive hits Lorenzo Road. I haven't really slept for two days, but I am going to try to sleep in the six o'clock hour though.
It hurts to type sometimes because the pain building in the shoulders and the back when I injured it. Good thing I got those muscle relaxers from the hospital because I don't know how I would manage. It helps with signs of carpetunnel sometimes because I do a lot of typing and it would hurt like hell at times when I try to type; and sometimes I would feel something like a stabbing pain It is one of those thoughts that go through my mind as I try to self medicate -- the sleeping pill and painkiller cocktails; sometimes very effective in putting me down for the morning. One of the reasons why I am willing to go through the sleep study that they are trying to arrange for next month. Sleep; something that I cannot always get even when I want to -- and sometimes when I was at the college and working as a personal aide, I found myself passed out on one of the couches in the hallway of where I used to work at the college.
Some of the strangest places where I passed out was in a computer lab -- my face had the imprint of the keyboard. But with that note -- I am going to close this entry up for now but I will post more later when I am more alert for that matter; without the sleep I feel like I am at least 35 years old but with the sleep I feel the age I am, and that being 26 -- and at times it is something that is not attainable. Often the reason being the thousand racing thoughts that go through there at one time; the nightmares, the dreams as they are there -- the random images which drawn from a darkness one cannot describe but that darkness is the one that greets the hours of sleep.
: It is when in the hotels or camping when Iam finding myself resulting to sleeping pills to go down for the night, usually when camping I don't have the sleeping problems because the cold helps with going to sleep at times.
This entry seemed a bit weak. Tell you folks what I am going to give you another journal entry from the same day followed by more whining along the same vein.
When reading this, know that he didn't fly over the top of the roof of that car. Sad that even though he can remember the feeling of dying, he forgets how it made him feel currently.
October 23rd, 2002
11:03 pm
I managed to get some sleep -- something that I much needed but right now I am coming down with a cold. Though it would be something that I needed but took a ton of sleeping pills to numb out the pain that was impaled into my back. I was reading a story that Aimee Monroe penned and freaked the shit out of me -- because it gave me a nightmare about falling from a sky scraper, that I was falling without a sign of end. Usually when someone falls from that height they would more than likely die of fright than hitting the ground; I had spoke of nightmares like this to my former boss at College of Du Page when I was working there. I asked about that when I got hit by the car in December of 1996. The feeling I had when I woke up out of bed the next morning from the impact was that I felt like that I was dead or dying because of the pain. It came from that which I had a ton of nightmares that are beyond what I can put into documentation. Where it comes in the mind as it is trapped in the torments that followed from the impact -- the impact of the car hitting and throwing me over the top of the roof. I think that was why I was freaked out the most when I read Aimee's piece -- normally I am not the one who would spook too easy. I get spooked when I am staying in places knowing that people died in. Where I would take into the narratives over the years -- the pressure from the peers who I used to go to Intervarsity with; them saying what I ink are the things that should never be That I have always had been intrigued by nightmares -- it is what makes a horror writer want to ink out what they put into a journal or a notebook.
4 comments:
i still find it painfully difficult to read anything lil' Todd Ed writes. Even journal entries.
After a few sentences my head actually starts hurting. Which is why i wait for the comments here.
i did, however, catch this little part, "...because of the hours I have to live...".
NP, you really don't have to...you know?
He picked on someone else? What did I miss? o.O
sleeping pill and painkiller cocktails; sometimes very effective in putting me down for the morning.
It's a shame it didn't "put him down" permanently.
My, what a strenuous and exciting life our Nicky leads. He sleeps on the job, sleeps through his travels, and gets freaked out by other people's experiences. When awake, he spends what little energy he has on finding ways to sleep more.
No wonder he can only write incoherent ramblings about his nightmares.
Oh, now he 'works' hard and deserves every wink of sleep he wants. He deserves years of sleep. Decades at least...
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